I didn't realize anyone read this stupid blog so, obviously, I abandoned it. But since I came back and saw that Keri demanded the rest of the saga, I've come back to finish it out. After that, I'm not sure if this little thing will keep going. But we shall see...
The Epic Saga continues in 3... 2...
It's been a long while since all of this went down and so many things have arisen since that it's hard to document the whole damn thing. I've been in counseling for it. I've talked to friends about it. I've spent hours fixing it with my brother. Here's the skinny version of what happened after the dreaded dinner at Outback.
My brother spent the night in town then took me out to brunch the next day to make sure I was alright. I wasn't, but I was dealing with it. We laid out a plan of what we needed to accomplish.
Over the next few months, we found out that I was adopted by Mike and Karen, that my school was being paid for, my car was being paid for, I had insurance on my car, and I hadn't wracked up any surprise debts. Without taking into account the emotional toll it took, I escaped relatively wound free. I got a job, started saving my own money, and began to be autonomous. Being around my parents, however, has never been the same.
August rolled around and trouble began again in the form of a 'lost' rent check. Recognizing this as an old trick, I swiftly found a place to stay that I could pay for and moved out. I told my parents the night I moved into my new place. I then got two additional jobs, worked 50+ hours a week, attended college full time, and didn't die. I, to this day, have no idea how I survived that time.
I applied to Iowa State University for the rest of my schooling after Kirkwood and was accepted but found that I had a much more difficult obstacle to tackle than merely getting in: the FAFSA. You see, in order to get any substantial sum of money, which I would need if I wanted to further my education at all, one needs their parents' tax information to make sure that they qualify for the money. My parents would not, under any circumstance, give me any information. Jayson talked to them, told them flat out that I could not go to school if they didn't give me the information, but they wouldn't budge. Turns out that the reason they refused was because they hadn't (and still haven't) filed taxes in over ten years. Not a typo. Over. 10. Years.
Thus began my fight for independent status. I could not be considered independent because I 1) was not married; 2) had no children; 3) was not in the military; 4) was not homeless; and 5) was not an orphan. I also was unwilling to make any of those conditions happen. So we filed for a 'special circumstance' independent status through Iowa State's financial aid office. This entailed writing an essay about my situation, two reference letters from people who were familiar with my situation, and a meeting. My meeting was set for the afternoon after orientation in June. I went through an entire orientation to Iowa State without knowing if I was going to be able to attend. It felt like my future rode on this single meeting and in a way, it did. I almost cried when they told me I'd received the independent status.
I lived with Shawn that summer, we got kittens, I was going to go to school, everything was perfect except for my family life. My parents demanded I talk to them every day and since they were paying for my telephone and car and had a nasty habit of complete rejection and grudge holding when pissed off and my sister still lived at home, I felt I had to do it. Once a day turned to twice, twice to three times. One evening after not answering the phone because I was working on one of my many projects and papers that being in 'real college' entailed, my mother and father called Shawn and I a total of 16 times. In three hours. Then proceeded to be pissed off that we hadn't answered. This wasn't the first time it happened and wouldn't be the last.
Sometime during my first semester at Iowa State, something broke inside me and I stopped trying to please them. I stopped pretending to be interested in what they were telling me for the thirty third time this week. I distanced myself. I only went home once every couple of months. Eventually, they got the hint, I believe, and stopped calling all the time. I'm down to once-ish a week, now. I cannot explain how liberating it is; how much happier, relaxed, and at ease I am.
I've been angry, irritated, frustrated, sad, confused, and have been let down. But I feel like I'm in a place now where I can say "this is what happened to me. This is how it is. There is nothing in my power that I can do about it so I have accepted it and moved on with my life, what I want, and have embraced living on my own, without having this burden on me." This is thanks in large part to Shawn, Darwin and Tesla, and my lovely counselor Sarah. Though I will always have to keep a watchful eye on my assets, my accounts, and my parents until they die, I feel prepared to do so in a way that does not hinder my ability to live a full and happy life. Above all, I have learned that is is ok and normal to feel any and all of the feelings I've felt which is more help than anyone could have ever explained.
And so concludes (it's never going to end, but still...) the saga. For more information, similar situation advice and help, or to just say hi, feel free to contact me. We hope you've enjoyed that show.
Tuesday, June 05, 2012
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Epic Saga Pt. 1
Here is a chronological recounting of the events of the past however many months of shit upon utter shit that has been going on. Intermittently, I'll be adding my thoughts and feelings, both current and what they were when the whole shebang was happening because as time stretches on they morph into bitter, decrepit little creatures that scurry around my brain at night.
Are you ready? Here we go:
It was a lovely day, Thursday March 25th, 2010, to be exact, I was in downtown Iowa City with a couple friends perusing the art galleries. It was one of the first nice spring days, I barely needed the coat I was wearing. I had just finished staring at a particularly lovely piece, wishing I had $1000 dollars to drop on artwork, when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer, as usual. A message was left but I decided to check it once we were done in the gallery. Then I got a text from the same number that called; it was my brother, Jayson, whom I had only spoken three sentences, at most, to in the past five years. I called him back and he informed me that he'd be in town later that evening and wondered if I'd like to have dinner with him. I'd always yearned for an actual relationship with my brother, even though he was a stifling 20 years my senior, so I accepted. His only request was that I not tell mom and dad which I hadn't planned on anyway because I just had a feeling that it was something I didn't need to tell them. I was brought up on a strictly need-to-know diet of information within the family; not telling was basically in my genes.
I rushed home to straighten my apartment, get ready for the evening, and frantically call Shawn to speculate why this meeting was happening. I stayed on the phone with Shawn right up until I saw Jayson pull up outside my building. He came inside to see my place then we went for a short drive. I showed him the school I was attending, we chatted about my plans of what I was going to do after I was finished at this school, and we stopped at Petland to look at puppies. The whole endeavor was quite nonchalant and easy. We then headed over to Coralville to eat and chose Outback Steakhouse. Once we'd ordered, we got down to business. He wanted to know what I knew of the recent events that had been going on with my sister. It had been a long couple of months in regards to her shenanigans and so it took me a while to relay all the information that my mother had told me. Once I was finished, he began a long story that began with him going to college (which was a strange move back in time after just talking about my sister in the present and I was quite curious as to where the whole thing was going). This is the tale he told:
He was going off to college. Mom and dad had bought him a car, had it insured, and told him to not even worry about looking into aid for tuition; they had it under control. Being his parents and all, he went off to college worry-free (at least about the financial aspect of it). Second semester rolled around and he began receiving letters that his tuition had not been paid. He asked mom about it and she said she had paid it and that the school must have misplaced the check. Since his tuition wasn't paid and no one was owning up to the fact that it hadn't, he had to stop going. Understandably, he did not want to move back home so he started looking for a place to live. When attempting to rent an apartment, he found that his credit score was very bad. This didn't make sense to him since he didn't have credit to begin with; how could it get bad? Upon looking into it, he found that mom and dad had put utilities in his name and never paid for them. He also found out, around this time, that mom had taken a substantial amount of money from her parents, his grandparents, who had done a lot of his raising as a child. He worked for a year and paid off the debt from the utilities, his school debt, and the money back to his grandparents. He also got married during this time to a wonderful woman to whom he is still married today. Then he went back to college and paid for it. Himself.
I was frozen with terror when he finished. A few things bothered me about this story. The first being all of the times my mother had told people that my brother had gone to school on a full ride golf scholarship. When I brought that up to him, he shared that back when it was happening and up until about ten years ago, she would tell people that she was paying for his schooling. So my mother was lying. Big time. The next point was that the lead up to the bad things happening to my brother almost mirrored my situation: my rent, my tuition, my food, my car, my everything was being paid for by my parents. My head was swimming with fears about how much trouble I could be in at that very moment without even being aware of it.
As if that wasn't enough, he had more, lots more, to tell me before the night was finished.
But that story will be reserved for Pt. 2. Stay tuned.
Are you ready? Here we go:
It was a lovely day, Thursday March 25th, 2010, to be exact, I was in downtown Iowa City with a couple friends perusing the art galleries. It was one of the first nice spring days, I barely needed the coat I was wearing. I had just finished staring at a particularly lovely piece, wishing I had $1000 dollars to drop on artwork, when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer, as usual. A message was left but I decided to check it once we were done in the gallery. Then I got a text from the same number that called; it was my brother, Jayson, whom I had only spoken three sentences, at most, to in the past five years. I called him back and he informed me that he'd be in town later that evening and wondered if I'd like to have dinner with him. I'd always yearned for an actual relationship with my brother, even though he was a stifling 20 years my senior, so I accepted. His only request was that I not tell mom and dad which I hadn't planned on anyway because I just had a feeling that it was something I didn't need to tell them. I was brought up on a strictly need-to-know diet of information within the family; not telling was basically in my genes.
I rushed home to straighten my apartment, get ready for the evening, and frantically call Shawn to speculate why this meeting was happening. I stayed on the phone with Shawn right up until I saw Jayson pull up outside my building. He came inside to see my place then we went for a short drive. I showed him the school I was attending, we chatted about my plans of what I was going to do after I was finished at this school, and we stopped at Petland to look at puppies. The whole endeavor was quite nonchalant and easy. We then headed over to Coralville to eat and chose Outback Steakhouse. Once we'd ordered, we got down to business. He wanted to know what I knew of the recent events that had been going on with my sister. It had been a long couple of months in regards to her shenanigans and so it took me a while to relay all the information that my mother had told me. Once I was finished, he began a long story that began with him going to college (which was a strange move back in time after just talking about my sister in the present and I was quite curious as to where the whole thing was going). This is the tale he told:
He was going off to college. Mom and dad had bought him a car, had it insured, and told him to not even worry about looking into aid for tuition; they had it under control. Being his parents and all, he went off to college worry-free (at least about the financial aspect of it). Second semester rolled around and he began receiving letters that his tuition had not been paid. He asked mom about it and she said she had paid it and that the school must have misplaced the check. Since his tuition wasn't paid and no one was owning up to the fact that it hadn't, he had to stop going. Understandably, he did not want to move back home so he started looking for a place to live. When attempting to rent an apartment, he found that his credit score was very bad. This didn't make sense to him since he didn't have credit to begin with; how could it get bad? Upon looking into it, he found that mom and dad had put utilities in his name and never paid for them. He also found out, around this time, that mom had taken a substantial amount of money from her parents, his grandparents, who had done a lot of his raising as a child. He worked for a year and paid off the debt from the utilities, his school debt, and the money back to his grandparents. He also got married during this time to a wonderful woman to whom he is still married today. Then he went back to college and paid for it. Himself.
I was frozen with terror when he finished. A few things bothered me about this story. The first being all of the times my mother had told people that my brother had gone to school on a full ride golf scholarship. When I brought that up to him, he shared that back when it was happening and up until about ten years ago, she would tell people that she was paying for his schooling. So my mother was lying. Big time. The next point was that the lead up to the bad things happening to my brother almost mirrored my situation: my rent, my tuition, my food, my car, my everything was being paid for by my parents. My head was swimming with fears about how much trouble I could be in at that very moment without even being aware of it.
As if that wasn't enough, he had more, lots more, to tell me before the night was finished.
But that story will be reserved for Pt. 2. Stay tuned.
Monday, October 18, 2010
this is not part of The Saga
In the last week of September, I visited The Emma Goldman Clinic (which I would recommend to anyone close to Iowa City. It's a fabulous place!) to examine my birth control options. I've been in a relationship for over a year and all we've been using are condoms. That's a bit too risky for my taste. I found out that any of the IUD options are currently covered by a grant meaning they are FREE! for anyone who wants one, regardless of insurance. This was perfect for me because a) I don't have insurance and b) I'd been leaning toward an IUD anyway. I only had to pay for the required PAP smear and had the option of having my yearly exam. So we set up an appointment for October 15 and the countdown began.
Fast forward to Friday, October 15, 2010. I'd made up my mind and decided to go with Paragard, the copper, non-hormone IUD. I chose it because I didn't want to mess with hormones. I get crazy enough as it is when that "time of the month" (or time of the every 2-3 months, in my case. Lucky Bitch! I know...). I also chose it because I can leave it in for 10 years. That's right, if I don't want to have a baby until I'm 30, I'm all set! 2 pm rolled around and I was ecstatic. I got to the clinic at 2:15, filled out some forms, and was in the bathroom giving a urine sample for a pregnancy test before 2:30. These ladies are punctual!
So I wasn't pregnant which gave us the green light to go ahead. I got my first yearly exam (years after becoming 'sexually active'). The doctor, a heavier red head who had her hair shorter than mine is, began with a breast exam and talked to me about my various moles. She told me I should have them checked by a dermatologist whenever I am able but that was something I already knew. Then she went for the vagina. She used a small speculum which was very kind of her. The PAP smear wasn't terrible, just uncomfortable. The show was about to start. A combination of black cherry flavored jell and foam usually used to numb the inside of mouths at the dentist was employed to numb my ladybits for the impending torture it was to undergo. A cold washing of iodine and then we were all set.
First, she had to measure my uterus. Thankfully, my cervix wasn't a cunt and cooperated throughout the whole ordeal and allowed entry. Dilating hurt like nothing I'd felt before but lasted only seconds. The measuring tool then the placement tube sent aftershocks of the dilating pain but I was told to breathe through it. I came into it knowing it was going to hurt but this pain wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined it would be. She slipped the little guy in, positioned it, and then took a scissors to the strings. To be honest, the scissors had me much more nervous than any of the other things going on down there. But I escaped unscathed. Mostly.
As soon as the IUD was in, the cramps started. I was expecting that, too. I got dressed, gathered my things, and waited for the doctor to come back. She wished me luck , told me to call if I had any questions, and gave me a prescription for hydrocodone, then sent me out to pay a whopping $125 for the entire appointment. $125 for 10 years of birth control. Does anyone want to TRY and find me a better deal than that? Don't do it. You'll be wasting your time.
In the waiting room waiting for my bill to be figured out, the cramps got worse. Much, much worse. I wished I'd brought someone with me to drive me home. I paid, got my coat, and made my way out to the car, gritting my teeth. Think of the worst menstrual cramps you've had, then multiply them by ten. I was certain that it couldn't possibly get worse. I actually was vocalizing in the car during the drive home.
I called into work then spent the rest of the night in different variations of the fetal position. My favorite was when Shawn arrived. When he walked into my room, I was on my knees, curled into a ball with my face resting on my bed. I couldn't get up to hug him, it hurt so bad. We promptly went to Walgreens to fill my prescription then stopped at Arby's for dinner. They have chocolate turnovers again!
That night, even though I was heavily medicated, I spent most of it in and out of sleep, writhing in pain.
Every day since then, however, the cramps have gotten progressively better, save a few that are bad that occur usually when I do a major position change.
Despite all of the pain, it was worth it. I'm hoping I will continue being happy with my little copper T over the next ten years!
Fast forward to Friday, October 15, 2010. I'd made up my mind and decided to go with Paragard, the copper, non-hormone IUD. I chose it because I didn't want to mess with hormones. I get crazy enough as it is when that "time of the month" (or time of the every 2-3 months, in my case. Lucky Bitch! I know...). I also chose it because I can leave it in for 10 years. That's right, if I don't want to have a baby until I'm 30, I'm all set! 2 pm rolled around and I was ecstatic. I got to the clinic at 2:15, filled out some forms, and was in the bathroom giving a urine sample for a pregnancy test before 2:30. These ladies are punctual!
So I wasn't pregnant which gave us the green light to go ahead. I got my first yearly exam (years after becoming 'sexually active'). The doctor, a heavier red head who had her hair shorter than mine is, began with a breast exam and talked to me about my various moles. She told me I should have them checked by a dermatologist whenever I am able but that was something I already knew. Then she went for the vagina. She used a small speculum which was very kind of her. The PAP smear wasn't terrible, just uncomfortable. The show was about to start. A combination of black cherry flavored jell and foam usually used to numb the inside of mouths at the dentist was employed to numb my ladybits for the impending torture it was to undergo. A cold washing of iodine and then we were all set.
First, she had to measure my uterus. Thankfully, my cervix wasn't a cunt and cooperated throughout the whole ordeal and allowed entry. Dilating hurt like nothing I'd felt before but lasted only seconds. The measuring tool then the placement tube sent aftershocks of the dilating pain but I was told to breathe through it. I came into it knowing it was going to hurt but this pain wasn't nearly as bad as I'd imagined it would be. She slipped the little guy in, positioned it, and then took a scissors to the strings. To be honest, the scissors had me much more nervous than any of the other things going on down there. But I escaped unscathed. Mostly.
As soon as the IUD was in, the cramps started. I was expecting that, too. I got dressed, gathered my things, and waited for the doctor to come back. She wished me luck , told me to call if I had any questions, and gave me a prescription for hydrocodone, then sent me out to pay a whopping $125 for the entire appointment. $125 for 10 years of birth control. Does anyone want to TRY and find me a better deal than that? Don't do it. You'll be wasting your time.
In the waiting room waiting for my bill to be figured out, the cramps got worse. Much, much worse. I wished I'd brought someone with me to drive me home. I paid, got my coat, and made my way out to the car, gritting my teeth. Think of the worst menstrual cramps you've had, then multiply them by ten. I was certain that it couldn't possibly get worse. I actually was vocalizing in the car during the drive home.
I called into work then spent the rest of the night in different variations of the fetal position. My favorite was when Shawn arrived. When he walked into my room, I was on my knees, curled into a ball with my face resting on my bed. I couldn't get up to hug him, it hurt so bad. We promptly went to Walgreens to fill my prescription then stopped at Arby's for dinner. They have chocolate turnovers again!
That night, even though I was heavily medicated, I spent most of it in and out of sleep, writhing in pain.
Every day since then, however, the cramps have gotten progressively better, save a few that are bad that occur usually when I do a major position change.
Despite all of the pain, it was worth it. I'm hoping I will continue being happy with my little copper T over the next ten years!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
The Saga Begins
I'm going to attempt to recount everything that has happened in the past eight months of my life. Soon, the whole tangled mess will be injected into the internet forever. But since it feels like its all at it's pinnacle, I'm not going to start yet.
But stay tuned.
But stay tuned.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
A List
- Winter break started the 18th.
- I was home from the 18th till the 30th with lots of activities and such (hence the lack of updates)
-Since the 30th, Shawn has been here (hence the lack of updates)
-He'll be here till the 10th
-I'm having a great time
-4.0 first semester of college. Neat.
That is all.
For now.
- I was home from the 18th till the 30th with lots of activities and such (hence the lack of updates)
-Since the 30th, Shawn has been here (hence the lack of updates)
-He'll be here till the 10th
-I'm having a great time
-4.0 first semester of college. Neat.
That is all.
For now.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Hunker Down, It's Going to be a Long Winter
Or, at least, a long winter week of my first finals in college. It's not that I'm worried about finals. I'm just overly ready for my break to start. I'm going on vacation with my family and Shawn (though he could be considered family at this point). I'll be home for a day short of two weeks then back here to the apartment for a week and a half with Shawn. By Friday, I will not have seen him for three weeks. It's the longest we've ever gone and I am more than ready for it to be over.
Much to my surprise, the holidays aren't bringing me down like they usually do. I've been feeling it when I'm out and about and the christmas music isn't irritating me or making me sad. I noticed it when I watched the snow fall last week and wasn't pissed off about it. I don't remember the last holiday season where I wasn't just absolutely dreadful: my mental state, my attitude. It feels like christmas: the wonder, the love, all those nice feelings from when I was very, very young. I'm even excited for christmas morning.
But that's all I have time to go into. My composition class's final is a simple three page paper that I just have to turn in during the allotted 2 hour final exam time. I haven't even started it, naturally. So I have to whip that up today and start on my winter presents for everyone. But I feel much more ambitious than I have the past couple of days so hopefully all will get accomplished that needs to be.
Much to my surprise, the holidays aren't bringing me down like they usually do. I've been feeling it when I'm out and about and the christmas music isn't irritating me or making me sad. I noticed it when I watched the snow fall last week and wasn't pissed off about it. I don't remember the last holiday season where I wasn't just absolutely dreadful: my mental state, my attitude. It feels like christmas: the wonder, the love, all those nice feelings from when I was very, very young. I'm even excited for christmas morning.
But that's all I have time to go into. My composition class's final is a simple three page paper that I just have to turn in during the allotted 2 hour final exam time. I haven't even started it, naturally. So I have to whip that up today and start on my winter presents for everyone. But I feel much more ambitious than I have the past couple of days so hopefully all will get accomplished that needs to be.
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