I love coming home, his scent lingering on my skin after a day planted securely by his side. I love holding his hand in the car.

I love this feeling...

I feel bare, I feel exposed. I feel out of my comfort zone and I am comfortable.

Things don't happen when you are ready for them. Never.

Some Considerations.

I am trying to keep control of myself because:

a. Distance is not something I am particularly fond of
b. The fear I have of being hurt, again, is nearly overwhelming

I've found myself, today, debating upon whether or not to just get out while things are light. But they aren't as light as they may seem. There is history, though it may not be the same history as what we're making now, so that needs to be taken into account. Also, I'd never do that. No matter how scared I was. I'd never run away just because I was scared because I care too much, I'm in too far, I've been around too long.

Please, do not tire of me. I don't know if I could stand it.

Lack of Attention

Since no one really reads this blog it's not that big of a deal that I don't update. This really isn't an update, anyway. I have plenty going on, many things to update about, but nothing I will mention here.

The Living

After my sister's recital last night, I ran into my friend whom I was also there to watch. She enveloped me in a hug and with a shocked expression on her face told me how well I looked. I congratulated her on her wonderful performances (they really were great) and then she was off to find her family that I had seen waiting for her. Her words still ring in my ears: "You look so good!" and I realize that it's because I'm alive. I'm fully and utterly alive. My life is radiating from me, this blood that's changed forever. I feel like everyone can see it, this change, but I know they can't. I know it's just in my head. This visible well-being is from the activity I've been doing, new color staining my cheeks.
But maybe, perhaps, it was because I was a fire when I saw her, a glimpse of this I've partaken in fueling my fast heartbeat and fluttering limbs. I was moving through the crowd looking for my mom and sister, watching him move through the mass just out of my sight.

No idea what I'm doing, but I feel it in my bones and in my blood and I feel alive as a person can be.

Restless, Reckless

I feel like a caged animal. I don't know how long I can take this. I need to get out. I need to go do this thing I am driven to do. I need to do it for a long time and never stop till I pass out and die. Then when I regain consciousness and life, I'll do it some more and maybe, just maybe, then I will be satisfied. But probably not.

Shiiiiiit.

I need to go to bed. Glad I stayed up for that one, though.

Have I ever mentioned that I love late night phone calls, especially ones that are made for no reason what so ever?

No?

I didn't think so. But now, internet, you know.