Wanting

I hate Target.
Well, I dont actually hate Target, I just hate going to Target. I love Target. But I hate going there now, because I see all these wonderful things and cant help but imagine me shopping there when I'm on my own, coming home to The Boyfriend, who has just gotten home from work. Then I bum a massage from him because everyone has to pay to get them from him, but I get them for free.
I can imagine going to Target and buying whatever I want because I make enough money to. Going to Target in the afternoon, after I've spent the whole morning working on my next novel. It sounds glorious. That's how I want to spend my life: Writing in the morning, going to Target in the afternoon, then having my loving husband home when I get back. It's a dream though. The Boyfriend, I am almost 99% sure, is going off to college come September. Not waiting for me like in so many day dreams I've had about our perfect life.
Target just happens to dangle all this in front of my face, getting it's jollies from seeing me miserable. This is why I hate going there.
I was there one time with my little sister, it was just before Christmas and we were walking through the ailes, waiting for my mother to get back from who knows where. Well, we passed this beautiful little table and chairs set. I turned to my sister in the cart, and told her that I thought they were adorable. She asks "Are you and [The Boyfriend] going to get them for your house?" It was so innocent and sweet. I cried. Him and I had just gotten together, but there was a chemistry there and had always been there, since the day we met over a year ago. My mother was the one to tell me I liked him, and she knew he liked me. I knew my mother could see it, though she sees everything. But in that moment, I saw that even a little six year old could see what he means to me, and it turn, what I mean to him.
Summer break seems to like to test me too. I've seen him maybe three times since school's been out. Let me tell you, it's painful. I miss him something terrible. He works almost everyday so I dont even get the choice of talking to him on the phone. Ah well, what can you do? I guess it just makes the time we are together more beautiful.

In other news:
I spent all day outside, trying to get that tan I so desperately needed. And I'm proud to say I have enough of one that my skin isnt see through anymore. Plus I dont glow in the dark. I kid you not, lift the covers up at night and you see two big sticks glowing from within. Not a pretty sight. But along with being outside and putting on Tan Accelerator every two hours has it's cons too. My shoulders and half way down my back are FRIED. Ouch.