The Boyfriend

I think The Boyfriend is dead. Fallen off the edge of the earth. Just dissappeared.

Or else he's avoiding me. Not true avoidance, but being too busy to give me a call or drop me a reply to my email.

It makes me wonder if I matter as much anymore. Just pondering the fact that it may be setting in on him that he's leaving for college soon and it would be so much easier if he wasnt tied to something back here. But who knows.
Yes, he loves me. He tells me it and I can see it in his eyes when I'm with him. But all this space makes me start to wonder what the future holds for us. Wondering if we'll go our seperate ways.

I havent actually thought about what it'd be like without him. Not until now, that is. It's not brought on by insecurity or wanting to be apart from him. Just the fact that this year will change things, and we're not going to be convienently located fifteen miles away.
The more I think about it, the more I cannot predict what it would be like.
I dont know if I'd feel empty, because I know that even if we werent romantically involved, he'd still be there for me. He'd still love me, as I would him. I get this feeling that I would be okay if he did it. Yes, it would hurt at first, just because I've become very accustomed to him being there, but everything happens for a reason. Even if we dont know the reasons. And if/when he goes to college, it would be easier for both of us to handle it if we, in fact, werent together.

I could be just completely insane at the moment. But I've never hurt myself by fantasizing what the future will be like if certain things happen.


Cheers to the future and NOT knowing what's going to come my way.