Stop

"Chasing Cars"
We'll do it all Everything On our own
We don't need Anything Or anyone
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know How to say How I feel
Those three words Are said too much They're not enough
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time Chasing cars Around our heads
I need your grace To remind me To find my own
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where Confused about how as well Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Those are the lyrics to "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. It's a pretty song.
I was upstairs taking pictures because the lighting was pretty and my eyes get intense when I'm depressed. Yea, believe it or not, the crazy girl who's either out of her mind happyhyper or fighting mad gets depressed. So I heard this song, while I was taking pictures, and I actually listened to the words instead of just listening. It's so pretty. I cried. I smiled. I remembered.

I just... I miss her so much right now. Missing just keeps getting worse. And all my feelings get more intense. My happys, my sads, my mads, annoyeds. Everything gets crazy. My memory goes nuts and I'm bring back things I keep away for my own good. Memories from those stairs that take my breath away and makes it impossible for me to do anything else but sit and remember. There's no controling any of it.
So, unexpectedly, I can feel her up against me. I can feel the cement wall behind. I can see her looking at me, I can see her looking at all of me, watching her watch me fall. Both of us knowing we're falling faster than either of us would admit to. I can feel her lips on mine, and my having trouble breathing. Heart beating so fast.
All of it happens unexpectedly. I have to stop. Whether it be in the hallway at school, mid sentence in class, or just sitting doing nothing. No warning. I just stop, and I have to take a deep breath, cover my face, then I'm oh kay.

It's all so crazy. So overwhelming. I need to see her. I need to feel her for real.