Letters To Heather Pt.II

Dear Heather,

I'd wait for you for forever. You're the only one who's worth it.
I miss you now, with every passing second, more than I ever thought was possible.
I'm feeling more pain than I ever thought I could bare.
But I'd do this till time ended. If it meant that someday, you'd be here, with me.


but baby, I'm so tired of crying...

Endlessly,
Erro

Letters to Heather

Something therapeutic. If you don't like it, don't read it. I just needed to put it somewhere. There may be more, so stay tuned. Oh, and if you have any comments, advice, rants, or would just like to put some sense into me- feel free. The third skull and cross bones takes you to my comment board.


Dear Heather,

There's lots of things going through my head as of now. Lots of emotions, many of which I would like to forget about because they hurt. And no matter how many excuses I come up with to push the truth away, none of them block the fact that this is, indeed, your fault.
When I got that email, telling me what was happening, I tried my hardest not to cry. Sitting here on this computer, with my mom in the other room- I didn't want to cry because I didn't want to explain it to my mother. I wished that I had been at school, because I would have cried there, without restraint. But I was and am at home sick and I have to hide my unhappiness.
When she went to go get the girls from school, I turned up our song and bawled. I cried so hard, I was practically screaming. This went on for an hour before I felt even remotely better. All the pain coming out in gasps and odd noises I'd never heard myself make before. But then, I couldn't blame you, because I had no idea what had brought it on.
The next day, you woke me up, just as you had so many times before. You told me what had happened. It's probably a good thing your phone cut out. There was something inside of me, that just snapped. I sat up in bed, hoping you'd call back. Twenty minutes passed and you didn't. I let go then. I was so mad. So upset. I came to the conclusion after talking to myself for a half an hour, that you had been right. Way back in July, that first day you talked to me following that weekend, you'd told me I couldn't fall in love with you. Because you'd hurt me, it was just something you did. And you didn't want to do that to me. I convinced myself that you wouldn't. It wouldn't happen. But you were right. This hurts like hell.
Yesterday, I went to school for homecoming. Just to see some friends because I was literally going out of my mind. I told a select few what happened. And somehow, I wasn't mad. Not really. Sure, you held the blame. You're the one who messed it up. But it was messed up from the very beginning. We lived so far away. I was making excuses, trying to make sense of why it happened. And for a while, I was oh kay with it.
It wasn't till last night, laying in bed, talking to you- not really you, just pretend you- that I realized that it wasn't oh kay. I wasn't oh kay. I was crying, crying for so long wishing someone, anyone, was there to hold me. I finally just cried myself to sleep, not waking again till six this morning.
Today, I haven't cried, I haven't felt like it either. I miss you, like hell. And I've come to a conclusion after just mere days of a very long journey I'm about to set out on. I love you, I believe I have since the first time I talked to you. Sure, I was upset. I'd have to be completely out of my mind if I wasn't. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who's at fault. I love you all the same. I told you I would forever, and I will. Nothing changes that. I miss you now, maybe even more than I ever have. Wishing I could see you again, even if it was just one last time. I'm wishing you'd call, because so many things are still so unclear to me.
I want to know what I'm supposed to do now. Is there a chance that I will ever see you again, no matter how far in the future it is? Am I supposed to move on and look back on these past few months and smile? Or am I supposed to hang on, hoping that one day you'll call, telling me everything's alright now? So many questions that I fear will never be answered.
I'm here, always. Contact me however, if you'd like. I love you. I always will. I promise, cross my heart twice. And if in the future, after so long, you do find me, I'll drop everything, for you.

Nothing is better or sweeter than you. You are my forever.

Endlessly,
[Erro] -- I'm still not giving anyone who hasn't figured out my real name the answer.


Now, any comments, advice, kind words, harsh words, anything, I'll take them.

Happy One Hundred

Time has come- this is post 100

That's right, I've stuck around to bring all of you 100 glorious posts filled with useless nonsence. Oh joy.

Things arent good here. Things have gone to a darker place bring back a sort of addiction to me. But I'll take all the help I can get, right now. Anything to make myself stop hurting. But I promise, I'm not hurting myself.

Someday, maybe, I can move on. But I need to know if that is expected of me. If it isnt, than I wont. I dont want to. And I'm very stubborn over lots of things, including my heart, no matter how much it's breaking.

In lighter news::
I'm feeling good today. Not tired at all. Perhaps I'm getting better. Perhaps...



I'll love her, always. Cross my heart twice, literally.

Masochistic

A certain sort of happiness has come about right now.
This coming from a complete hour of crying so hard that I was basically screaming. I don't really have a voice right now.

It's almost like a refusal to believe any of it, creating a faux-happiness.
And yet, I'm still optimistic of future events, even if I really don't believe they will ever come to live other than pretty day dreams played out to save the last shred of hope and sanity that I have.

Funny, only one person knows what happened.. What I'm talking about...
I called Michael in the midst of my hysterics, when I had calmed enough to utter a few short sentences before I launched into it again. Though he was roaming so he only knows that I'm upset. He probably wasn't the best of choices to call, but I was in a rough spot, and he's the only one I could have called. I was surprised that he answered.

It hurts. I am in physical pain. I think I pulled something when I was breaking down. Perhaps I burst my spleen... who knows.


Last night, I deprived myself of sleep, reading over old entries. Laughing at how sarcastically witty I can be. I am finding wit in everything. Perhaps a sad attempt of getting myself smiling again. Or maybe it's the utter lack of any human contact. I think I am going insane.

Poison

There may be some question about why my new template is centered around poison.
As you all know, I have mono. This makes me feel poisonous- because I'm contagious. But that all is beside the point I'm writing.

The point is I have no point, I just need something to do.
Too much time to think has taken me to a place that is dark as a moonless midnight. And cold as January in the Yukon. Lonely as solitary confinement for fifty years. I think you get the point.
Too much thinking about the void I am trapped in, so far away from her. Sure, you guys are tired of my longing and sobing... But it's too bad, you'll hear it till I can see her.

I miss her. I'm worried. I feel terrible.


The.End

For of sugar and ice, I am made

The video for Love Like Winter by AFI was just on. Along with a half an hour making. Loved it, it made me feel better. For some reason I feel horridly today.

So funny, and the video its self was splendid. Like Narnia (:

That's all for now. Nothing happening so I apologize for not writing much.

Simple. I'm rotting.

I miss her

MONO

Well, first off::

Happy 16th, Josie!!


Oh kay, well- I have mono. My spleen is so swollen it is a mass protruding from my abdomen. And I've a temperature. I have to be really careful so I dont explode it, because if it does, I could bleed to death. And I really dont want to die right now.




Until Later, if I dont die

Slept for 17 hours today. I've been lucid for five. I feel absolutely terrible. I want to sleep, and I have barely enough energy to walk up the stairs. I'm dizzy, too.

Mom thinks it's mono. oh joy.

I dont know how much I'll be writting till I'm well again. Typing this is almost painful I'm so exhausted.

Kwear Secks!

I'm not amused right now. Not At All.

I'm so cold. I wish the heat could be on right now. But of course not. It's only SEPTEMBER. It shouldn't be this cold. Absolutely Not.

Absolutely Not- that's the song we did the production number to at the pageant this summer. I hear the word 'absolutely' and that's what I think about. I see in my mind standing up on that stage, the lights so bright, doing the dance I barely knew, staring out into the black, wondering where she was sitting. So many things going through my head at that moment. What my uncoordinated body was doing right then, what I need to attempt to do next, what happens after the pageant, what if I win? Then, once I've got that in my head, the rest of the weekend comes flooding into my mind. Not that I dont want it there...

Just echoing the fact that missing is getting unbearable. I've said it before, but it's getting worse. I need to see her.

I kicked major ass today in speed ball during p.e. Standing in one spot and walking back and forth making it seem like I'm trying. I made it clear that NO ONE should pass me the ball because I'm barely coordinated to walk, and I cannot catch and/or kick a ball. So they didnt. And it was fun (:

So I'm thinking I'm getting sick. This morning I coughed and it felt like part of my lung ripped in half. Oh joy.




ah yes, And HOORAY FOR KWEAR SECKS! of which I need to get myself some (:

Open House tonight at the school. It was dull, just as I thought it would be.

One surprise though... Emily. I completely forgot about that kid. And SHIT she's gorgeous. Sure nothing would ever happen, but man, you know? I just completely spaced her out. But with good reason- this wonderful girl that just happens to go by the name of Heather. I love this girl so much.

Now I'm tired, hungry, cold, and beaten. Mom's mad because I'm not 'happy' yet she cant be decent to me... go figure

Last Wednesday, I decided that I'd tell my mom that I'm gay. My girlfriend gave me encouraging words and told me to let her know how it went. Thursday morning on the way to school, I told her, expecting a decent reaction because my mother is a very open minded person. I thought I was doing the right thing. Like not telling her was a huge lie. To say the least, she didnt take it very well. First thing, she told me it was a phase and that I shouldnt get too attached to 'that girl'. That hit me very hard because for all my life, I had a very hard time because I had no idea what was 'wrong' with me. I honestly tried to be with boys. I tried because I knew my life would be easier if I wasnt gay. But my mother used my previous boyfriends of proof on how I COULDNT be gay. I've spent a majority of my life not knowing why I wasnt attracted to boys the way my friends were, and when I finally put all the peices together, I was relieved in a way, because I knew what I was feeling wasnt wrong. I've known I'm gay for almost three years and I believed it was time to tell my mom because the two of us are very close. I got to school for early practice and she left. Throughout the day I was worried about what would happen after school but judging on how calm she had been when she left the school I wasnt all that worried about it. After school when she picked us up, she was furious. She found out somehow that people at school had known. I know a part of the reason why she is so mad is that she's scared that I'm going to get hurt. When we got home, she sent my sisters outside and then yelled at me for almost a half an hour. Telling me that telling people at school was the stupidest thing I could have done and that she thought I was smarter than that. She blames me being gay on my girlfriend who I've only known for just over two months. She refused to listen to me telling her that I've known for a very long time and Heather (my girlfriend) had nothing to do with it. She then told me that I couldnt talk to Heather anymore, and there was no way we are going to move closer to her. The whole ordeal was very intence and I faught the urge to cry. Following her blow up, she huffed away into the kitchen, calling my 14 year old sister in for me to tell her that me being gay was a cheap way to get attention. It goes without saying that I have little respect for this woman right now. I sat, emotionally beaten, at the computer void of any emotion or movement for an entire half an hour. I couldnt cry because my mom came up stairs every five minutes to make sure I wanst doing just that.
I wake up every morning filled with such rage toward her that I shake. I want to scream. I want her to listen to what I have to say instead of her just believing what she wants to.
Last night I talked to my girlfriend on the phone at the football game. She's convinced it's her fault that all of this happened. And she feels so bad that my mom dislikes her so. I miss her, so much. I havent seen her in over two months and now, chances of seeing her anytime soon have just been completely erased. I dont know what to do.
If anyone has any advice, stories of bad experience, or ANY encouraging words, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance.


---Erro

Cue Full On Hallucinations

Funny... how when you're really trying to do what you thought was the right thing, is when the whole world crumbles and you're left, completely void of any emotion staring at the peices.
Stone faced and freezing, writing to tell anyone who gives a damn that I wont be writing for a while.


Exit Stage Left.

I'm a pretty little Nightmare

Sex. I think it's the most profain word I've ever heard. Used as a noun, that is. I think it sounds grotsque. Not the act, nessisarily, but just the sound. S-eh-ks. yuck.
But used as a verb- "I could have sexed you by now" or "I want to sex you"- cracks me up. Who even knows with me any more.

That *points up* is what I thought about during my World History exam today. The fact that I hate that word. Wow.

In other news that no one gives a damn about::
I got 21 points in archery today in one round. Three arrows. A bull's eye, a seven, and a five. I was so excited. Then the string on the bow hit my arm so hard that I had a bruise by 4th. *note: P.E. is 3rd...

I'm an optimistic pessimist. Random.

I had an awkward dream last night. Well, two actually...

The first one was about me freaking out and going all multiple personalities in study hall. I passed out and came to as an angry latin speaking man. I was flipping over tables. Then I passed out and came to as a little girl. So they put me in a psych ward. I had crazy hallucinations and heard lots of voices. Then Heather came to see me, and everything stopped. I was fine. It was crazy.

Then I had a dream about running people over with a piano because I was pissed because no one would move. Then I was watching my sister, but she kept screaming and running away. So I was crying and I looked up in the sky and saw seven shooting stars and wished every time that Heather was there. Then I got into the suburban and Michael got into the back seat and was freaking out at me for being so damn moody. I got pissed off even more. Then my lovely alarm informed me it was indeed time to get up.

It was sad, because I was so tired. I didnt want to get up. I didnt want to go to school. But of course, I did. But I did think about faking sick. But did I? NO... *sadness*

Long day, biology made me want to kill myself. English I'm growing to hate. Damn study teams. But a good day. Who even knows why...

Sha la la la la la, dont be scared, You got the mood prepared, go on and kiss the girl

Today was an awkward sort of day. It was good, no doubt. But it depended on what five minute interval you caught me on what mood you got. My moods were crazy- from insane happy to fighting mad to annoyingly arrogant to just plain goofy. The inconsistancy of them got annoying after about two hours of it. Luckily for me, I had six more to go. And from what I heard, I'm not the only one who got annoyed with my moods on Random.

But, my insane happy was wonderful little bits of time when all I could do was smile. She's on my mind. Crazy on my mind, and I cant do anything but smile. My face actually hurt today, from smiling- something that hasnt happened in a while.

I'm hoping that soon I can see her. Perhaps. Maybe. Hopefully...

Let's see, what else? Nothing much. Work overload and too much singing leaving my vocal chords screaming for a day off. And a crazy catalog of barely there under-things. Mom whipped it out in the driveway, telling me the jokes that went on in the kitchen while I sat there trying to hide the fact that I was severely enjoying it. One word: DAMN.
But, all those pretty girls in next to nothing not only made me aroused beyond belief, but made me miss Heather. That may be partially because of the previously mentioned arousal... but you know.

Anywho-I have a mountain of homework beckoning me from upstairs and it shall only beckon louder if I dont go and get on that.

Maybe I made a big mistake last night when I left you alone with Chelsea

Saturday I went to All State practice at seven thrity and was increasingly convinced that it is a SIN to be awake and singing that early in the morning.
My voice is bruised and scabbed, still painful and oozing puss. Poor poor me.
Over to Shalee's the rest of the day. Then dad came and took me home. I walk into the kitchen and to my SURPRISE there was upwards of 40 people in my kitchen, shrieking "SURPRISE!!!"

They pulled one over on me. I got a surprise party for my birthday. And a pretty iPod (:

Then I treated myself to an $80 WalMart shopping trip on Sunday. I was so tired. I thought I was going to pass out.

Today wasnt anything special. Except for Heather was on this morning. That was good (:
I'm still tired and my voice is killing me. I have to be at school to sing at SEVEN THRITY IN THE AM tomarrow. I'm not enthrawled.

Dont Worry About Me 'Cause I'm Real Fine

It happens to be the glorious day of September the seventh. Coincidentally sixteen years ago today, I was BORN. You know what that means?!?!


It's my Birthday!! WHOO!! PAAAARTAAAYYY!!!

well, not really... I'm not really having a party. There'll be celebration when I can get to Heather, no doubt, but parties really arent happening. Except for the family party, which is Sunday. An entire day of giving ME presents and looking back at ME and how well I've grown up. *tear*

Dont stay tuned for more entries. I almost guarentee there'll be no more today. (:

Happy Birthday to ME!

IT'S RAINING MEN!

Actually, it's not raining anything. But the song's in my head.


Just so you all know:::

It's My Birthday Tomorrow!

And since I'm feeling extremely vain today, I'm going to put this in here:::
You all BETTER wish me a happy birthday. Because I spend my precious time blogging here, and you better appreciate me giving you something to waste your time with ONE day out of the year. Plus, practically no one said it last year, and it was shitty. So be a dear and un-shit this year's, kay oh?

SMILES AND KISSES TO ALL!!

Steve Irwin got stabbed by a stingray... TERRORISTS!!

Title is something my World History teacher said yesterday. One of the only times I laughed at school...

Yesterday was terrible.

Until about five... Then it's been wonderful.

Smiles and Kisses to all. I'm too happy not to.

OH! AND TOMORROW'S MY BIRTHDAY! WHOO HOOO!

Remembering You

Looking at this girl, I'm finding it hard to breathe. I dont even know her name yet, let alone what she's like. Already, I want to know her. She's got this way about her. Something it seems like only I'm picking up on. Something telling me I need to know her.

Starbucks, laughing till I cant breathe. I snort when I laugh hard, and around new people, I get self concious about it. But with her, I really couldnt care less. I dont care about what the people at the counter are thinking. I dont care that my laughter is bouncing off the walls of the tiny cafe. I dont care that my boyfriend is standing, waiting for his fifth coffee and I havent been paying any attention to him. I dont care about anything, except the fact that she's sitting next to me, laughing at me laughing.

After the formal, she was out there, with Alex. I couldnt breathe when I saw her. My eyes refused to leave her. I felt almost foolish for wanting to be next to her. Was I reading her wrong? Or had she actually been flirting with me all day? It was hard to tell, I really wasnt that aware of flirting, directed towards me or coming from me. Simply put, I dont know how to flirt actually. Not really.

That night, when I was supposed to be coming up with something to say the next day for intros, she's what was on my mind. Though there was no admitting to it then.

Rehersals and interviews and talking on stage. She's what I thought about. Her sister was the only other person who talked to me that weekend. Before I knew it was her sister. And I was couincidentally placed next to her. Weird.

She was sitting at a table in the bar with Michael and Alex's mom. Such a queer scene. It was different. But comfortable. I was finishing his drink and looking at her over the top of the glass. So effin' adorable. I watched her. Then we went to Starbucks, again.

All the way there, we were talking, walking ten steps in front of everyone else. Not paying attention to them. I was watching her, as I always did. More laughing at starbucks, and her beside me. Then she had to leave. And she did, with not much more than "I have to go". But that's how she is.

Before the pageant, she was standing in line. I touched her, and I walked by, my stomach did a complete three sixty both up and down and sideways.

Up on stage, smiling for endless hours. I kept a smile on, knowing she was out there, in the audience. Finally, no more standing wearing a fifty pound dress, forced to smile. I was exhausted from the weekend. After it was over, she found me. I kept saying I was going to die. She asked me what's one thing I wanted before I died. One word from my mouth- "You." and my face turned red. As did my neck and chest. I was bright red in a light blue dress. The colors clashed. She told me she could help with that. I just needed to let her know when I was dying. I told her I would. Listerine, all over me, making me smell like a tube of toothpaste. She was right up against me as I tried to get it away from her. Flirtation was at maximum preportions then. I felt like I was glowing.

I watched her at the cake reception. Hoping that some how I'd see her again, someday.

Then up in the room, I heard a knock. It was her. I welcomed her in and that's where she stayed, till we went down to the pool. Her shoes off and pants rolled up, feet in the water beside me. I watched her. The entire time. Then she left.

And then she came back. And asked me if I wanted to walk with her, for ten minutes, before she had to go. There's no way I could have told her no. So we went. To those stairs. Where so much of my time is spent. Time that still almost no one knows about. No one knows, really, what happened. Details too precious to share. Ever. Those stairs, that motel, that weekend- that's where I spend my time. Endless hours spent with this angel, until I can spend real hours, with real her. Not just the glorious memory of her.

Hard times, being without her for so long. Knowing I cant be there for her, not exactly. It's so hard to keep going. But I wouldnt give it up for anything. I'd never want to make it not have happened. This girl, she changed my life. Showed me what love is. Showed me how wonderful each day can be. Even when they are bad, my days are brilliant. All because of her.



I'm planning on telling my mother tonight. I'm nervous and excited. I dont know how she'll react. But she needs to know. I cant keep it from her. Wish me luck, though I dont believe I'll need much. I've got Heather, and that's all I'll ever need.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

This is me. Insanity.

Read my entries, I'm insane.

I love her. I want to be with her. I need to see her. I need to make it oh kay.

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.

Title is a quote by Henrik Tikkanen.

Waking up this morning by my cats rubbing against me, begging for attention.
While I was petting them, in my groggy state I forgot about my mild alergy to cat dander and rubbed my eyes.
Now, almost an entire hour later, my eyes are bright red, swollen, watering, and sore. But at least they arent stinging so bad I could barely open them...

I've come across a very interesting site that may just have to go under my regular reads section. I was searching for writing prompts because I am severely without any new material to write with. I could write about Heather, but I'd say the same thing I've said in my previous thousand entries.
Anyway, the site is Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency . May I suggest reading the writing prompts. They are genius. I will have to read more of this site to see if it is worthy of a Favorites classification. Then inspect it more to see if it is a good candidate for My Regular Reads.

It feels very fall-like today. It's depressing. Fall signifies that Winter is on the way. Winter is freezing temperatures and snow. All white and dead. No color, no life, just cold. It's overcast, roughly 60 degrees, and may rain. This is Labor Day Weekend. Where's the sun?
Perhaps it's in an abandoned church, being held hostage, along with my mind and sanity. I'm worried about all of them. Who knows if the capture will let them go, or shoot them before the police can locate the church.

More later.

Ramblings Proving the Theory that I am INDEED insane

It's now when the real wondering sets in. But yet, I know it's not real. Just pondering the possibility.

Is she real? Does she exist? Emails and phone calls and pictures tell me she does. Two days spent together at different times. Half an hour is really tops of how long we've actually spent together. Nearly two months since that weekend. It amazes me. And saddens me. Realizing that this feeling of eternity really has been as long as it feels.

I miss her. I want an email, an IM conversation, a voice mail, something, anything letting me know she's still there. I know she is, but I want something.

I want to see her. I need to see her. Looks like this year's birthday isnt going to be much better than last years. And being better doesnt take much. Last years sucked harder than a brand new vacuum. I'd forfiet all of my presents for this birthday and next years and Christmas of both years if it meant I could see her most every day. All my Halloween candy I mooch from my sisters. I'd eat a hand full of cherrios for Thanksgiving dinner. Have so many April Fools jokes played on me that the very last of my sanity was gone. If it meant I'd see her. I'm not even kidding.

Call me crazy. I know I am. I've fallen off my rocker, lost my mind. But all this happened very previous to this girl. It just shows more because I want her more than I've ever wanted anything.


I watched A Walk To Remember today. The sweetest movie I've seen in a while. By 3/4 of the way through I was bawling and I didnt stop till right around a half an hour after it got over. My face was swollen and I didnt have a voice. Give me a trigger to cry and I wont stop. So much built up.

It's nearly nine...

On a Saturday morning when I was up till almost one in the morning.
It's a sin to be lucid right now.
But mom locked herself out, and I had to let her in.

Exaustion has taken over. This school thing isnt working for me. I'm physically exhausted because of getting up at six and carrying around a fifty pound backpack on my back all day long. Mentally exhausted from the work and the having to deal with different things at school. And we all know why I'm emotionally exhausted.
So much crying last night that I finally just passed out. I dont remember falling asleep.
Just waking up at six thirty, with my radio still on. I went back to lovely sleep, and dreampt of very odd things.

Spiders would get into vehicles, and posseses them, making those vehicles bigger replicas of them and they would go around killing people. I was at Megan's house, and I was looking out the window, and there was a side driving jeep that I thought was possessed. I got down below the window so it wouldnt see me. But it came over to the open garage that was open and it was a guy to rescue us. I went over to the stairs and yelled up to the people upstairs. I dont know who the two other girls were, but Heather was there. We got into the jeep and she was crying. The jeep didnt have a top and it was raining. I was holding her, and wiping the rain and tears off of her face, while she was talking to me. *I was unconcious, but I missed her so much then...*
The dream eventually ends in a house somewhere, gathering our things and going somewhere. Then I woke up, by my phone ringing, mom letting me know she needs to get in.

Last night was crazy. I sang for two straight hours and I have barely any voice now. But I felt better, because there was lots of stress coming out with every note. But the better wore off when I was in bed, thinking of her. Then Far Away came on, and I lost it. Crying and crying. Ten straight minutes of gasping for air crying.

Yesterday, Far Away was on Channel One at school. My ex was wearing the AFI shirt that was the start of Heather and I. Everytime I saw it, my heart just completely dropped and I had to fight with everything I had not to completely break down in the middle of the hall way.

Anyone know where I left my mind? I seem to have lost it, again...

My Birthday

A conter: Exact time till my birthday (:

http://www.MakeCountdowns.com/show.php?id=23713


Yup (:

Come Home, Goat!

Ignore the title... Hanna's running around saying it.
Ah, to know what goes on in her seven year old mind...
Found this nifty three thing, and with lack of anything better to put in here, I put this...
Sorry if it's a waste of time, I'll write a more interesting entry later, when I get inspiration.


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1) Erro
2) Ash
3)Ashlee
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1) It's her majik...
2) There was a once, when I never thought twice. You give me that...
3) I dont quite know, how to say how I feel. Those three words are said too much, they're not enough
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1) my intelligence
2) my ability to write
3) my soul
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
I dont hate myself. I love myself. you must love yourself before you can love anyone else
THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD RIGHT NOW:
1) Heather, here, with me
2) my own computer
3) some wonderous chicken tamales (:
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1) Butterflies
2) fish
3) scary movies *yes, I'm a chicken, but I dont care*
THREE THINGS YOU NEED EVERYDAY:
1) to listen to my voicemail
2) see her gorgeous face, even if it is just a picture
3) Mountain Dew, or some sort of caffine
THREE THINGS YOU'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1) I have on Felix the Cat underwear (:
2) my awesome pyramid belt
3) turquoise toe nail polish
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS/ARTISTS AT PRESENT:
1) Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
2) Far Away - Nickelback
3) It doesnt have a name... nor any melody that I know of.
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1) to be everything
2) make a zine
3) make my book
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP -- LOVE IS A GIVEN:
1) bliss
2) passion
3) not a whole bunch of distance... it's difficult
A TRUTH AND TWO LIES:
1) I'm in love
2) I cant stand classical music
3) I hate being touched
THREE THINGS YOU PREFER FOR THE OPPOSITE SEX:
1) humor
2) enough maturity to talk to them, but not too much (:
3) for them to talk to me without hitting on me
THREE THINGS YOU PREFER FOR THE SAME SEX:
1) tiny girls. I love them
2) outgoing
3) passionate
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1) I just cant be straight, I'm not sorry (:
2) I cant be a teacher. Never happening
3) I cant see 144 miles away
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) Writing
2) talking on the phone. Yes, that IS a hobby
3) wasting time in stairwells... even though I've only done it once
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1) To be with Heather
2) To talk to Heather
3) Walk around Des Moines
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1) An Author
2) Something dealing with art
3) who even knows...
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1) England
2) Des Moines
3) Dallas, Texas