Last Wednesday, I decided that I'd tell my mom that I'm gay. My girlfriend gave me encouraging words and told me to let her know how it went. Thursday morning on the way to school, I told her, expecting a decent reaction because my mother is a very open minded person. I thought I was doing the right thing. Like not telling her was a huge lie. To say the least, she didnt take it very well. First thing, she told me it was a phase and that I shouldnt get too attached to 'that girl'. That hit me very hard because for all my life, I had a very hard time because I had no idea what was 'wrong' with me. I honestly tried to be with boys. I tried because I knew my life would be easier if I wasnt gay. But my mother used my previous boyfriends of proof on how I COULDNT be gay. I've spent a majority of my life not knowing why I wasnt attracted to boys the way my friends were, and when I finally put all the peices together, I was relieved in a way, because I knew what I was feeling wasnt wrong. I've known I'm gay for almost three years and I believed it was time to tell my mom because the two of us are very close. I got to school for early practice and she left. Throughout the day I was worried about what would happen after school but judging on how calm she had been when she left the school I wasnt all that worried about it. After school when she picked us up, she was furious. She found out somehow that people at school had known. I know a part of the reason why she is so mad is that she's scared that I'm going to get hurt. When we got home, she sent my sisters outside and then yelled at me for almost a half an hour. Telling me that telling people at school was the stupidest thing I could have done and that she thought I was smarter than that. She blames me being gay on my girlfriend who I've only known for just over two months. She refused to listen to me telling her that I've known for a very long time and Heather (my girlfriend) had nothing to do with it. She then told me that I couldnt talk to Heather anymore, and there was no way we are going to move closer to her. The whole ordeal was very intence and I faught the urge to cry. Following her blow up, she huffed away into the kitchen, calling my 14 year old sister in for me to tell her that me being gay was a cheap way to get attention. It goes without saying that I have little respect for this woman right now. I sat, emotionally beaten, at the computer void of any emotion or movement for an entire half an hour. I couldnt cry because my mom came up stairs every five minutes to make sure I wanst doing just that.
I wake up every morning filled with such rage toward her that I shake. I want to scream. I want her to listen to what I have to say instead of her just believing what she wants to.
Last night I talked to my girlfriend on the phone at the football game. She's convinced it's her fault that all of this happened. And she feels so bad that my mom dislikes her so. I miss her, so much. I havent seen her in over two months and now, chances of seeing her anytime soon have just been completely erased. I dont know what to do.
If anyone has any advice, stories of bad experience, or ANY encouraging words, they would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much in advance.


---Erro