It's now when the real wondering sets in. But yet, I know it's not real. Just pondering the possibility.
Is she real? Does she exist? Emails and phone calls and pictures tell me she does. Two days spent together at different times. Half an hour is really tops of how long we've actually spent together. Nearly two months since that weekend. It amazes me. And saddens me. Realizing that this feeling of eternity really has been as long as it feels.
I miss her. I want an email, an IM conversation, a voice mail, something, anything letting me know she's still there. I know she is, but I want something.
I want to see her. I need to see her. Looks like this year's birthday isnt going to be much better than last years. And being better doesnt take much. Last years sucked harder than a brand new vacuum. I'd forfiet all of my presents for this birthday and next years and Christmas of both years if it meant I could see her most every day. All my Halloween candy I mooch from my sisters. I'd eat a hand full of cherrios for Thanksgiving dinner. Have so many April Fools jokes played on me that the very last of my sanity was gone. If it meant I'd see her. I'm not even kidding.
Call me crazy. I know I am. I've fallen off my rocker, lost my mind. But all this happened very previous to this girl. It just shows more because I want her more than I've ever wanted anything.
I watched A Walk To Remember today. The sweetest movie I've seen in a while. By 3/4 of the way through I was bawling and I didnt stop till right around a half an hour after it got over. My face was swollen and I didnt have a voice. Give me a trigger to cry and I wont stop. So much built up.
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