Another Entry called Melancholy

I've fallen, it seems, into a permanent state of hurt that doesnt go away. No matter how much I laugh or smile. No matter how many people I surround myself with- my mind never leaves her. Never leaves the bitter fact that she's the one person I want to see yet she's the one that I cannot.
Do I seem happy to you? It's getting awfully tiring to keep it up. Can you see the longing there in my eyes? That's all I see when I look in the mirrior. I smile, I laugh, I look in the mirror and no matter what my mood, my eyes are dark, tired, mirroring my hurt that I keep inside of me.
But I think to myself: If this hurts so bad that it's making me exhausted keeping it up, why am I continuing? Some would say 'you're less happy now than when you didnt have her. Why carry on?'
Simple: They are wrong. I'm not less happy. Sure- my lows are lower than ever before. But the same can be said about my highs. You should see me after I've been on the phone with her. You should see me after I've been talking about her. Somehow, she brings a feeling of belonging, hope, love that I've never felt before. Even when she is so far away. This shows, to a degree, what it's like to be around her. Everything's better by neverly 50 fold.
It may seem insane to you. For me to put myself through this. But I'm really not. There's no helping it. I couldnt get out even if I wanted to. And it goes without saying that that's the last thing I want to do.
In her is home, belonging, the very thing I've been searching for all along. In her is everything I've ever wanted. I wont ever give that up.