You're never going to fit in much, Kid.

This week has been bitter sweet.

Lots of phone calls keeping me up when I'm about to pass out. But I'd never give that up. I'd take being exhausted the next day to do that every night. Needless to say- nostalgia. Also, needless to say that this aspect was my sweet of this week.

Bitter, just as I have become, because I came to the harsh realization that I dont have friends. Fueling pitiful fits of tears keeping me awake rather than the brighter alternative stated above. I have people at school that talk to me, but very few people could actually say they like me. This could be for multiple reasons such as: I am too over the top, too crazy, too smart, too loud, too obnoxious. Anything. But I've now come to peace with it and it doesnt sting as it did the other night.

I went to dinner with Michael last night. He called after a two week disappearance and asked if I wanted to go. We went to Subway. Then we went to WalMart. I love that place. It was an odd sort of meeting. Sure, the boy's great and I love him. Yes, I know he's beautiful, he's a beautiful boy. But I seem to be absolutely not attracted to him like I used to be. For his sake, I tried. I couldnt conjure up that burning want from before. Instead, I found myself thinking about Heather most of the time. Wishing she'd call.

And now we're on that topic. So brace yourselves kiddies- You're about to hear, again, about her. I'm finding that that missing, the longing that's always present is something of the norm now. Though it never leaves, I know that when it does, it will feel very odd. It's just a part of me, I suppose. Just as she is. Four months in November. 117 days since I've seen her. It's hard to believe that little number is indeed how long it's been. It seems so much longer. And the road of endless days ahead doesnt help in the least. But I find condolance in the fact that one day, that road will end and standing at the end, she'll be standing there. That final mile will be like dying. I'll sprint. And when I do die, she'll be my heaven. The wait over, that's the only thing that keeps me going. She's the one thing, being, that's kept me alright. I try to think about how I would have survived these past couple months without her. I cant. Even though this missing has made it difficult, not having met her, not having had her to talk to, to keep me content- might have proved disasterous.

Stay tuned for later. I may have to write again. More insight to how this world works. Perhaps.