Something I Just Wrote

The truth to me
mostly lied
all my life, yeah
mostly lied

So I find myself in
a sort of crazy
Romancing of a
just what you'd think
A liar

But baby
No one lies like I do
Cross my heart
I'll make you cry
Yeah baby
No one lies like me

The truth to me
mostly died
that night when I
saw through
break the tinted
bloodstained
glass

All the while to
find I don't bleed
at all
Yeah, baby
Not at all

The truth to me
mostly lied
All my life, yeah
mostly lied

Standing blindfolded
I didn't see the world
Forced upon me
What a lie.

But baby,
No on lies like I do
And no one lies like you
Come lie with me
Together
We'll lie some more
Forever

But baby
No one lies like I do
But don't believe I'm lying
when I say
I love you.
'Cause baby
No one's showed me truth
Like you.


©Moi. Don't steal it. Or I may have to bring out the big guns.

Awake this morning at a dreadful five a.m.

Turned the t.v. on at six to find that we had a TWO HOUR DELAY. No joke. It wasn't funny.
But I've had how many lovely hours on my computer, so we're camping happily.

then again, how couldn't I?
[smile]


ErrO!

[smile]

I'm happy. Enough said.

Erro!

random stuff

ok first off...I officially hate crackers. I have been eating them for like the last hour or so and my mouth is so dry lol.

ohh this is funny...being the asshole i am, i decided it would be funny to be heather (Erros Girlfriend) for about 20 minutes. It was so funny, for me anyways. Erro said it was annoying which made me laugh becuase again i am an asshole!!!!

Umm today i had to deliver telephono books for like 5 hours. BORING, PAINFUL, AND I SWEAR I ALMOST STARVED TO DEATH!!!! not really but i was really hungry. And i have to do it again tomorrow which sucks even more. I am so sore. I have bad knees and they started giving out on my fat ass and the damn books were so heavy.

well im done complaining and being stupid... BUH BYES HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY AND HAPPY LATE TURKEY DAY!!!
~Ashley!!!

A story started from a writing prompt

The Prompt- Start your story with this: "She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled."

So I shall.

She touched the little box in her pocket and smiled. Tonight was the big night. Seven years since they had met, and now, she was going to ask the love of her life to marry her. After years of following the gay marriage debate in the government, they finally made it legal. And now was the time when she could finally get married.
She remembered the excitement she felt that morning when she heard it announced on the news. She immediately ran to the drawer where she'd kept the ring for two years. Yes, tonight was the night. As she was walking toward the entry of the Reunion Tower where she was to meet her girlfriend, she reflected on what it took to get here.
She remembered when they had met, seven years previous tonight, in the capitol city of Iowa. She had been in a pageant and just happened upon a girl who was barely bigger than she was. She had red hair and was wearing an AFI tee. She found that her name was Heather. Those two days were the best she'd had up until that point. She kept going through the memories that were still so vivid in her mind. Those long months apart, all of the things they were forced to endure. Then, the day they were reunited. Just after Christmas, Heather had shown up at her house. She remembered the tears of pure bliss they both shed that day.
She remembered when she turned eighteen and against her parent's words bought an apartment with her. Since then, that's where they had been living for five years. They were glorious years.
She reached out for the handle and opened the door. Seeing Heather standing there, wearing a black dress. A welcome sight that wasn't present often. But there was no doubt that she looked absolutely breathtaking. Heather hadn't seen her yet, and she walked up behind her and wrapped her arms around her girl. Kissing her neck, she could help but smile. Butterflies filled her stomach just as they had every time she saw her. Crazy to think about it, after so long, she still did that.
They walked over to the table to let them know they were ready to go up. She had rented the entire tower, so it would be just the two of them. They boarded the little elevator and moved toward the back to watch the city of Dallas get smaller as they got higher. Both their ears popped as the elevator hit two hundred feet. But it didn't matter, they were so happy at that moment. They were together, and after so long of being apart in the past, that's all that mattered.
Finally reaching five hundred feet, they got off the elevator and walked through the doors to go out onto the observation deck. There was a slight breeze but not enough to be chilly on that very humid July night. She looked over to see Heather gazing in amazement at the lights spread out all around them. The breeze blew the few stray hairs that had fallen around her face.
"This is so beautiful," Heather said, still looking out towards the city.
"I agree," she replied, never moving her eyes from Heather's face.
She wrapped her arms, again, around Heather's tiny frame and rested her chin on her shoulder. Gently, she whispered three words into Heather's ear. Heather turned her face towards hers and she kissed her. She reached into her pocket, holding the little velvet lined box in her hand. Slowly, she turned Heather around to face her and kissed her again.
Then, just like she'd always dreamed, she got down on one knee, pulled Heather even closer to her and said, "You've been my angel. And you've always blown me away. Every time I see you, I fall in love all over again. I love you, Heather," and opened the box revealing a small silver band with three tiny diamonds in it. Words were exchanged, but not out loud. A simple shake of the head from Heather brought tears to her eyes. She stood up and placed the ring on Heather's finger and took her into her arms and kissed her like it was the first time.

Erro.

I was roused from the best slumber I've embarked in in the past two weeks by the ringing of my phone at two in the morning. Being woken up from extreme REM sleep, I was thoroughly confused at the noises my phone was making. I hit the button to turn off the alarm, which only silenced the ringing phone. It then registered in my groggy brain that my phone was ringing . I barely read the caller ID and verified that is was Michael. I then decided that there was no way in hell that I was going to talk right then and rolled over to go back to sleep. But then I changed my mind and answered it with an undistinguished grunt as a salutation.
An hour and a half later after conversing about what's been up and taking a trip down a rather emotional memory lane, I finally rolled over to sleep. But I was unable to because my bladder has extremely bad timing. Reluctantly, I got out of the warm sheets. Seconds later I returned to my wonderfully comfortable bed and fell back into a very deep sleep, not to wake until nearly ten thirty. That was by far the latest I've slept in about three months.
I stumbled downstairs and fed my internet addiction. Funny, how the first thing I do in the morning is get on the internet. Even before I relieve myself. I was greeted by the welcome sight of my girl, ONLINE.
Today has been a great day. And it will continue because this is the one day a year that there is SO much food, I could certainly eat myself to death. Which I may. So if I don't post anymore, you'll know why.

ERRO!

Almost Broken Noses.

But not plural. Just one. Mine. I thought it was broken for a second- and I'm not ruling it out now, most than an entire day after the fact as I sit and it's still in pain.
The story? Oh kay:
I was walking to chorus after lunch and something caught my eye, so I looked over and tried to see it. All the while, I was still walking, and not looking where I was going. Well, neither was Kyle. We collided. Face to chest because I'm short. My head flew back after impact, creating a somewhat awesome action scene in my mind's eye. Then the pain came. But I'm glad to report my nose didn't bleed at all. So I don't believe it's broken. But it could be.

Other news? Not really. Nothing is happening. Well, last weekend I did go shopping. And Becky came over. But there's not a whole lot to put in here, for all the world to read. Nothing bad happened. I wouldn't do that to Heather.

SPEAKING OF WHICH: She's a great kid. And I miss her. And you know that. But I don't care.

This is a pointless entry. I'll find something more worth your reading time to write about later.

Erro.

could this be one of your friends talking about you if so stop for them....

How come when you do something morally wrong you think its right and nothing can be wrong by it...but when one of your close friends or somebody else does it you think of it being totally wrong and everything.

I have turned into something I never wanted to be...I hated the damned word as soon as i heard and knew what it meant.... A FUCKING HIPOCRIT.

How come when you think your friends are just so fucking peachy and perfect, thats when you find out the true stuff. You look at them and you think you know them but you dont know what they do without you. Once you find out this information, you could be crushed. This is the way it was with me. How come i was so oblivious to this important thing that is happening im my two really close friends lives. Why do they think that they have to do this to themselves. I have done it and I honestly like it but i have quit. I never realized until now how people really felt about it....now i kow and now im crushed...crushed into little pieces that could be threaded through an eye of a needle. Crushed into so many peices that they will never be put back together. Its so hard to believe that they are doing this. Their lives seems so perfect. HOW CAN THEY BE SUCH GREAT ACTRESSES?

love you both so much and you will never truly know how it feels until one of your best friends in the entire universe, does it and won't stop and you feel like there is nothing you can do.
Am I wrong for knowing this kind of information and not sending them to get help? I dont do it because i would never want somebody to do that for me. I also dont want to see them leave, they have so much to offer and they are loved by so many. Even if it helps them, i will just have to keep trying and see what i can do though it seems as if im getting no where?
Why does this have to happen to them? THIS IS FUCKED UP!!!
~Ashley~

I couldn't help it. It's all your fault.

In the spirit of all of my other posts- sticking to my normal writing material, this blog will be about

Any guesses? Anyone? Anyone at all?

What did I hear? Did I hear someone say 'Heather'? That's what I thought!

And, my dears, you are correct. So without further ado, we begin:

There's been lots of thought about the future lately. And I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but most of it involves her. I cant decide if I'm setting myself up for heartbreak if the day ever come that we do part, or I'm just being the smart little thing I am and including her in my plans to make sure she has room.
Along with future pondering, there has been lots of day dreaming. Scenarios about us meeting, us spending days together, nights together...
And also reflection, on our just over four months of history. It is such a little bit of time, but so memorable. This is a time I wont ever forget.

But now, I'm ceasing my talk, because I am despising repetition, and all of this I've said time and time again. I'll spare you, this time.

Things have fallen into a content routine. I'm not sad, nor am I happy. I'm a medium. And everything is a medium. Not good. But not bad. Which that, in itself, is good. So in a round about way, it is good, but not. Are you with me?
I am pondering what my upcoming year will be like once I've started working. But it's very hard to get a very accurate account of what might happen because I have absolutely no idea. If I had more information, I could make a fairly precise projection of what could and very well may happen. But I'm without vitals, so it's impossible.

I am going to rant a bit, so beware.

A point was brought up in Ashley's most recent entry. Something about America. But her statement about it seems to be a severe understatement about it.
Free? No, I think not. Sure, this country could never actually be completely free. Everyone would kill each other. Nothing would be safe. I am well aware that there needs to be some sort of order put in place. But when it infringes on rights we have as people, that do not harm anyone, this is where America has stepped over the line.
I am taught in my lovely learning establishment, that there is a separation of church and state. Meaning that no one religion can have say in the government. So, I ask, why then is it against the law for two people who are in love to get married? Why does the government discriminate against homosexuality? Sure, the Bible says it's wrong. But the Bible has no say over whether or not it is legal. I am right, aren't I?
I have one thing to say: Fuck you, America.

Oh kay, I'm done. I didn't out blog Ashley, but I don't have efficient time right now.
ERRO!

and my not so peachy day...

THE GOOD THINGS

*MY GIRLFRIENDS 17TH BIRTHDAY!!!*
*I got to talk to ERRO!!*

THE BAD THINGS

* my brother got laid off of work, which means a lot of money is gone, like 35o.oo a week
*moms being a bitch, figuratively not literally lol
*nobody seems to be hiring at this time, except for restuarants and I'm deathly afraid to work there.
*my phone has been disconnected
*my dish is getting disconnected
*i only got an hour of sleep

I got all of that information in about an hour worth of time. Everything just seems to be moving to fast. Everything seems to be falling so fast. I'm getting into reality and I really don't like it. I don't want to go out into the real world and have to worry about all this stuff. It seems to be to great and to much pressure, but then again I want...no...I HAVE...to get out of my house in order to keep my sanity a little bit above crazy. It seems like just yesterday...the only I thing I thought about was if what I am doing was going to make my parents get into an argument, or should I or should I not drink the pool water and eat yellow snow. LOL. Well, I never really thought about that because I knew I shouldn't do it, but you get the hint, don't you? Well, I will keep going because well I have nothing better to do except for sleep and I can't exactly sleep right now because I don't feel the need to.

Seems like just yesterday...when I was told not to worry about getting a job because I'm to young, and now I'm being pressured by myself and others to get a job because I feel like I should be supporting my family because my mom can't.

Seems like just yesterday...when my mom was picking out my clothes for me and making me look hidious, in a lime green shirt that had something red on it and some red shorts that were like skin tight. Stuff that they use to wear back when my mom was growing up.

Seems like just yesterday...when I wasn't told about our finanical situation but just told that I have no need to think about that because I was to young yet to understand what the hell they were talking about. It seems like when I want to help out, I ccouldn't because theres always something pulling me back. Why is that?

Seems like just yesterday...I wanted to go to school and now I hate school with everything I have to hate. To me school seems like a pointless waste of time. And yes I want to go to college but I don't want to learn about something that I really couldn't careless about

Seems like just yesterday...I wasn't worried about what people thought of me, what I acted like, what I looked like, and how my hair looked. This sucks for me even though I don't really care what people think about me but then again I do. I think everybody thinks, atleast sometimes, about what somebody else might think if they put their hair on a certain side, what color of shirt they wore, how big there boobs are, how small there penis is, what my nails look like, and how old my shoes are. Why do people judge people on they way they act, sexual preference, or what they look like. How come American people and America "Land of the Great" is so judgemental?

Seems like just yesterday...I was loving my life, I never wanted it to end. I was just happy and content with playing in the backyard, on the tire swing, in the park, or where ever my heart lead me ot be. Why do people get so negative as there life gets shorter? Is it because of all the pressure we have to deal with on a day-to-day basis? Or is it because everything just seems to be crashing down faster and faster each and everyday? Its like our life is getting shorter and we are getting more hateful. Shouldn't we try to have fun with everything we do, even if that means paying the bills, or going to Wal-Mart to get some food?

I think it is funny how "adults" seem to think that "teens" have nothing to worry about. Teens tend to think that everything is horrible, though. When one little thing comes crashing down, we feel dead, right? I know I do and that is almost one of my worst habits. Do we really have that much to worry about though? We wake up, go to school, go home, eat, shit, watch t.v. or get on the computer, and sleep. And some of us have jobs. We usually don't have to think what you are going to do once you get home. But we do have to worry about things, like how much homework we are going to have, what are we doing over the weekend, why all of a sudden your parentals are mad at you, if I take this drug what will it do to me, if I go over to this persons house will they make me smoke pot with them, why is your teacher being a bitch to you when you've done nothing but sit there and be quiet, and how come we are just learning about this stuff now. But if you think about what "adults" have to worry about:work, money, children, bills, friends, grades from children, is my child a pot head, does my child do drugs, is he or she having sex, why is he or she having a bad day, how much do I owe the school again, I'm not feeling well...how many days have I taken off of work, why is my child acting different all of a sudden, does my child smoke cigarettes, what is my child going to be doing over the weekend at the friends house, and if your parents are divorced why isn't the other parent paying the child support. That is 7 to 16 and yes I know that isn't all of the worries in the world but it is a majority. I know that teens think they have the same worries if not more because this all comes down on us at once. Its like a lightening bolt hitting a tree, you never know which tree it is going to strike until its already been hit and gone away. SO...I guess you could call it a hit-and-run accident.

*My worries*
school
friends
girlfriend
bills
siblings
homework
grades
poverty level I am in
getting fat
family relationships
why my mom was being a bitch
why my brother got laid off
how come I can't seem to get a job anywhere.
doing the newspapers
are we going to have enough gas for the weekend
why are we so poor and is there anything I can do to help
and last but not least how come I worry about so much stuff


Sorry I know this is long and I congrat you if you got this far. I just havent been in the peachest of moods today. And again I am horribly sorry for how long it was but I really needed to get somethings out and well lets just say that this has helped a lot and now I can FINALLY go to bed lol. Thanks, love you
~Ashley~

Febreez: Shower in a Can!

Title was an excerpt from my Michael visit on Sunday.

Bert McCracken. He's the cutest little thing I've ever seen. *
He's the lead singer in one of my favorite bands: The Used.
Why am I talking about Bert? I don't know. I believe it's because I admire his crazy goodness. Ha.

But now since we're on semi-emo music singer frenzy, we're going to move onto Gerard Way.
From My Chemical Romance: another favorite band, of course. If you don't know who these people are, you need to find out. Now.

Shall we mention another? The absolute best? Sure, let's go!
Davey Havok from AFI. He is the embodiment of perfection. The epitome of beautiful.

that is all.


*oh kay, maybe not THE cutest little thing... but he's like a crazy good singer. What that has to do with being cute, I couldn't tell you.

ERRO!

UMM stuff....

Ok....Umm lets see!!!

I went to see saw III last night and it was so great. Everybody should see it. Omg, Jigsaw dies but that is all i will tell you because i dont want to tell you everything.

I also made a new C.D. yesterday and it is the greatest. It has songs on it about alcohol, drugs, and just other misc. songs. Like calling you by Blue October, that is my song to my girlfriend. You should listen to it!!!

Erro told me to write about interesting stuff but i don't know anything thats interesting because what i think is interesting usually isnt interesting to other people.

And Erro is totally right about dorthy being a ditz. Did you know that a wicked witch commited suicide in the movie. When shes on top of the house, when they are going along the yellow brick road at the beginning and you can see her shadow of her falling. She actually hung herself. How retarded, she should have atleast waited until she was rich and famous from the movie, so she could give me the money she made since she didnt want it. Damn her. Ohh and also the tin man almost died also because he got over heated from the costume. Interesting stuff, huh??

~Ashley~

We're off to see the Wizard!

Dorthy was a ditz. Why else would she say such an inane line as "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore"? Well Dorthy, dear, first off- when you're no longer in black and white, of course you're not in Kansas. Because we all know that Kansas is in black and white. Another clue, from what I know, Kansas isn't populated solely by midgets in dress up.
"Ding dong the witch is dead!" I wasn't aware that 'ding dong' was a phrase of celebration. 'Ding dong' stands as the sound of a door bell to me.
And why are they so happy that the witch is dead? Are they honestly that sadistic? I mean, sure, she wasnt a very nice lady. But that's still no reason to celebrate her death. Plus, you have to give the witch props for those shoes. I absolutely adore them.
Blue flying monkies, a wizard running Oz, and a slue of characters missing vital body parts leads me to believe that L. Frank Baum was definitely on something while writing this. But then again, so many wonderful stories were written under the influence.

Over all, this movie has always freaked me out. And in all honesty, I have no idea why.

Let's Welcome

My new partner in crime, an additional- and equally crazy- author to this lovely blog: Ashley!

So from now on, you'll have twice the posts. Just make sure you look at the bottom of the posts to check who wrote it. To avoid confusion, of course. (:

Hope you enjoy this kid as much as I do!

Erro

The New Girl on Campus!!!

I'm Ashley!!!

I'm new to this

I was born on May 2, 1990.

I hate my name, I think it is over-used

I'm Erro's Bestest Friend in the Entire Universe ~joking~

Im definetly DIFFERENT.

I'm not the smartest thing in the world and not the dumbest.

I'm a lesbian and proud but nobody really knows...Dont ask lol.

My cat , Lucifer, just farted on me. Eww.

I have said I or I'm 14 times.

I absolutely hate talking about myself.

HAVE FUN WITH ME!!

~*~Ashley~*~

~Some pointless facts about me~

*I can be pretty random at times.

*I have a sister, Jessie, who is 15.

*I have a brother, Jr, who is 22 and lives with me. I don't ever want him to get married because then he will leave me and no I'm not incest.

*I have a brother, Jake, who is 6 years young and i love him, he is so cute. I never get to see him, he lives with his mother. :*(

*I love all my brothers and sisters with all my heart. One day im going to get a tattoo and have every single one of there names in a heart.

*My girlfiend's name is Becky and Im totally in love with her.

*Becky's birthday is on November 15.

*Erro is my best friend in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!

*I love cigarettes, i know Erro hates them with a passion but they keep me sane.

*I love skittles, cool ranch doritos, and welchs soda.

*I love erro. She is one of the greatest people you will ever have contact with.

*Summer is my favorite time of the year.

*Saturday is my favorite day of the week.

*I hate school. I am a junior, almost out!!

*Im 5 feet short and 4 inches tall.

*Im not skinny at all.

*I love to have fun, and try to whenever i can.

*Right now im eating pizza and drinking A&W root beer.

*Im not a healthy person, if you cant tell.

*My favorite sport is softball.

*My moods change very often.

*Right now my pinky is numb and I dont like it.

*My favorite word is Retardation.

*My favorite quote that i made is...you may only label me as a person for thats all i am to you.

*My favorite quote that i didnt make is...never regret anything because at one time that is what you really wanted to do.

*Right now im really really really bored.

The End!!

Another Round at Personality testing

Taken from The Color Quiz site mentioned in an earlier blog entry. Just took it minutes ago.

Your Existing Situation:
Needs, and insists on having, a close and understanding relationship, or at least some method of satisfying a compulsion to feel identified.
Your Stress Sources:
Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.
Your Restrained Characteristics:
Feels that she cannot do much about her existing problems and difficulties and that she must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left her listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied him.Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.
Your Desired Objective:
Unwilling to participate and wishes to avoid all forms of stimulation. Has had to put up with too much of a tiring or exhausting nature and now desires protection and non involvement
Your Actual Problem:
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting herself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.

I have found that as of late, I'm over the top. So much that it drives everyone around me crazy, myself included. I'm loud, speak my mind, I have absolutely none of my reservation I used to have. Seems I don't know how to restrain myself anymore.
I've realized what it's from. On the eve of four months without her, I know why I am increasingly crazy. I have different ways of coping, and it seems that I am doing the exact opposite of how I feel to somehow trick myself into being happy. Instead of walking around being depressed, I'm overly happy. Manic, I guess. It's coping with her absence. I know, though, that if this longing was relieved, I would be able to come back down. But with no relief in sight, I don't know what will happen.

Lover, are you lonely?

Nostalgia is a theme in my blog. Read, it's running rampant.
Longing- another major theme. Read, it's all consuming.

I had a very odd dream about an ex that we wont mention as of now. It was very disturbing. But there's no doubt about where it came from. It was spawned from the loneliness I'm feeling. Look at me; I'm a mess.
On a happier note, I got my pictures back from the shoot last Monday. I look amazing. *laughs* I say that with as little vanity as possible. But really, they do look good.

I need something worthwhile to say. Something insightful. Something interesting to you people.

So, A Story? Oh kay.

close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Listen to this song- Dreams by The Cranberries.
Imagine: buildings that are thirty stories tall covered in windows, 85 degrees being elevated by the blacktop of the city. What's on your mind as you walk through such a beautifully exotic contrast to the bland country side you spend every day in? Could it be taking in the sights of this city you may not be in ever again? Could it be how you'll do that night? No, it wouldn't be anything you'd expect.
A girl, you me just the day before. That's what you're thinking of. Trying to figure out what she's doing, even though you have no way of knowing. Wondering if she's thinking of you. You find a smile has crept onto your face and blush. How could you let this happen so soon?
Keep going with your imagination: You're on stage, with fifteen pounds of blue material hanging from your body. The only way it's not falling down, showing everyone in the crowd how you're severely lacking in upper body assets, is by being so tight it's impossible to breathe. Your feet are screaming for you to get off of them. And while this all is happening, what are you thinking? Are you wishing you could sit down? Are you wishing you could stay up on stage?
Again, not what you'd think, though this time is more predictable. No, you're wondering where she's sitting. And whether or not she's paying attention to you. Wondering if she's looking more at you than at her sister who is so ironically placed beside you for the whole thing.
Keep imagining: One Hundred and Twenty Four days later- you're sitting at a computer, typing yet again about this girl. This girl that had your heart after two days. Longing threatening to be the end of you.

You're just a sad song, with nothing to say.

A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts.

Going to bed very soon, but just thought I'd drop a little something for all of my millions of fans. *laughs* Yeah right.

Anyway- it's been a good day. But how could it not have been? I saw a lovely pair of what will remain annonymus pair of breasts. *laughs* Yes, that's what I said.

A Made Up Story, no doubt

I wake up in the clothes I wore the day before. I struggle to remember what had happened as I slowly sit up to check the time. My contacts are still in, and I find that I've been asleep for a measly two hours. My memory loss could be accredited to my sleep deprivation, but when I glance at the girl beside me, everything comes back. What happened the night before washes over me, threatening to drown me almost like being under a waterfall with your head tilted back.
Seeing short red hair and feet barely poking out from the end of the cover, I cannot surpress a smile. For nearly ten minutes, I sit motionless and watch her sleep; blown away by the fact that she's there. Soon, nature is calling and I cannot sit any longer. So I get up as silently as possible and head towards the bathroom. When I get back, I crawl in the warm covers beside her, using the heat her body is producing to warm my chilled self.
Sighing a deep breath out, I notice she's not breathing like she's asleep. I open my eyes and find her smiling at me. I brush the hair out of her eyes, taking my time running my fingers along her cheek. I bring her face ever so slowly towards mine, and when I believe I would die if I didn't, I kiss her. In that kiss, I'm taken back to a summer. The summer. A time I didn't leave for months. I let the emotions flow just as they did that night in July. A transfer of soul between us, the very act that laced her within me.
She takes my breath away, and she notices, drawing away from out interlocking lips. Running her fingers along the bones that make up my face, a familiar scene comes to mind. It's in hers, too, I can see it in her eyes.
So I ask, "What are you doing?"
Two simple words that are so dear to me, "Remembering you," is all she says in reply.

I sliced my finger open with a deodorant cap.

I wake up in love. I fall asleep in love. I spend my days in love.
Perhaps a love that I shouldn't have been in to begin with.
But don't tell my heart that.
There's some reason why I'm so in love with this girl.
There has to be.
There's something in the future that will need me to be in love with her.
A handful, no doubt. But she makes it all disappear.

There's a voice that I hear in my head.
Late at night, lying awake in bed.
There's a hand that's somehow always in mine.
I can feel you standing beside me.
When I'm standing all alone.
Your lips against mine,
taking in everything that I could.
In those few moments that I had.
With perhaps the most challenging
Amazing, Beautiful, and crazy girl
I'll ever meet.

How have we made it this far?
With so many miles between,
121 days and counting.
What does this really mean?
Are we just wasting time,
Or could this really be?
Two days, three words
and too many phone calls to count.
Hours and kisses,
I now know what love is about.


this entry is dedicated to my favorite, my dream, my girl. That one person I'd die for, the greatest in the world.

Tell me, Please-

How much heart ache can I withstand?
How many times will my dreams be shattered before I have no hope left in me?
How do I keep going on when I can barely breathe from the weight of this absence?
How do I keep smiling, never faultering in my attempt at the illusion that I am happy?
How much missing must I live through before I can finally stop?
Before the sky finally opens up and peace is draped around my weary shoulders?
How do I move forward as time passes me by when all I'd like to do is lay in my bed, dreading the fact that today isnt the day?
How do my eyes never seem to dry up?

Dear God,

Please give me a good day Saturday.
The strength and courage.
And of course Luck.
I love you.
I believe in you.
Amen.

No Title. Because I dont need one.

Time has literally stopped.
What to do when you have all the time in the world to do it? All the time in the world to do anything but that one thing you'd die to do.

*sigh*