Musing

I often think about everything in the shower. That's the only place that doesn't hold distractions so I can get through a thought process without having to start and stop. This could be why my showers are so long. Today, I was thinking about last summer. I think about that a lot but today I was thinking a little out of the box of what I normally do. On a regular day, I reflect and remember. Today, though, was very different.

When asked the question by my imaginary counsel that allows me to see things from different views, "If you had had a way of knowing all that has happened, would you have done anything different in those first few hours before and after meeting her?"
Now, this question took lots of consideration. If I had known everything that happened from the time I met her till the present before I had even said anything to Michael about her, would I have no said anything? This is a definite no. Would I have fought falling in love with her? Yes. But I did that anyway. Though, I may have just passed her by, if I had known everything that was to happen, simply because I am so afraid of the complexities that has come with all of this. I may have done it out of fear that I didnt know how much I could take. It's almost a blessing that I had no idea, because I would have missed out on the most spectacular experience of my life.

I wonder how much things would be different if everything would have panned out differently. Would I have this new sense of self that has come over the past six months? Would I have been happier? Or more lonely? All of these questions can never be answered, but I spend hours musing; trying to figure out what the answers might be.

Erro.