My body is screaming profanities at my mind which has shut almost completely down. My back hurts, I think my uterus is inflamed with something that makes it swell so it hurts so badly when I bend over and I need to shave. Falling is taking so long, just as I thought I was at the bottom, I just keep getting worse and worse. Perhaps it's my visits to her. Those bring me up a few notches, making it take more time to reach the bottom.
Driver's Ed starts tomorrow. From six till nine three nights this week, then the chorus concert. We get tear down this time, so add on a few more minutes. Four late nights and then a weekend that's empty. Again. What a joy these next days will be. I'm not used to being busy. I'm used to being homebound and hermit-ish because my mother is afraid of me getting any exposure to anything in this world. So I stay at home and she stays mad at me.
Heather told me I should tell my mother I love her. It's important. I asked why and I didn't get an answer. Just is important. I don't even feel bad about not wanting to. The more days I spend like this, the more I just want to leave and never come back. It's not that I'm blaming anyone. If anyone's to really blame, it's me. But I've been cooped up in this damned house for too long to give a shit about compassion to the one who's keeping me here, whatever the fuck her intentions are.
I wonder if I'll ever stop being so angry.
Fuck, I'm so tired already.

I'll cry tonight.

Erro.