I wanna wake up where you are

I have to take this one day at a time. There's no tomorrow, just get through today. Hope for the future, long for the past, mourn for the state I'm in now.
But these days are so hard to get through without you here.
without the support of my friends.
getting up everyday to go to a place where I am absolutely no one and in turn, am not cared about, not worried about, not asked about when I'm crying walking down the hall.
I wanna wake up where you are. I wont say anything.

But one day at a time.
just one.

Revising previous plan, new devious plan.
it's a lovely thing to watch my skin, fingernails biting crescents into, turn to snake.
we'll fake this happiness for too long, losing our hope in the process.
I now understand why we haven't heard from my sister in almost eight years.

never saw it coming. I was so perfect. But being perfect comes with a price; something like mental defect.

yeah, well. I am not at fault. They will come to see that. Neither is she. It's closed mindedness that causes families

to be ripped

a p a r t

anger.

I'm building walls.
keeping everything out.
and all this damned anger in.

never thought it would get this bad.

To whom it concerns:

I've lost my feeling. I've become a sort of numb. Save these moments when I'm entirely melancholy, unable to do anything but sit and stare at nothing.
I'm not sure if I still have the ability to smile.
I'm trying to be strong, to not let it show. But misery has this way of eating away at nearly everything it touches. Can you tell how broken I am?
A worser fate than having no solution to this, I have an antidote. Like a cure to a sickness that you cannot afford. Dangling just beyond my reach is salvation, forcing me to sit here and waste away till that day I find courage and strength enough dislocate my arm and finally be able to stretch across those last few millimeters. A lovely way to picture it.
To whom it may concern, I've yet to have a happy day in the past five months. A content day, without remorse, worse: regret. Longing and heartache are companions of a terrible sort, never leaving my side. I am left to dream about the day when they will be replaced by the joy she brings. I stare into the mirror, wondering where I've gone. Laying in bed before I sleep, I realize I'm with her.
Perhaps this is why my body feels so vacant.

I'll climb on top and I wont stop till I make you forget who you are

School schedules today.

the book came out last tuesday; CexCells this tuesday.

I feel very different at this house. I dont really know where I've gone. I'm just not here... I am void of emotion, save those moments I get so angry I could kill something.

School in ten days

birthday in 27.

damn it, where's my money?