Zombie Lovers and Batman.

IT'S HERE! Halloween, possibly the best day of the year. Totally pwns Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, The Fourth of July, AND my birthday.

Going to school as a zombie.
Going to school to see Batman.
Then leaving afterwards to see Batman transform into a zombie.
We're off after that to go wreak havoc on this town.


soooo excited.


Happy Halloween!

In the Halloween Spirit

I present to you a parade of Zombies.

Mostly because that's what I'll be this year. Complete with an "I Heart Brains" tank top. It depicts a severed eyeball and a human heart across the chest and a brain below that with an apostrophe s after it (Not correct grammar... but zombies dont have to.)
On the back it will say

There will be a picture story of Wednesday's bloody events. I promise. Until then, here are some lovely links to tide you over:

OH EM GEE!
And Another
Zombie Secks
Zombie-Like Heart Stealing Cat
what the zombies are like in Australia
*extreme laughter*
I Want
inside joke. what her netherregions would be if she were a zombie
Pretty much great.
Hello Zombie


enjoy (:

I'm wide awake and so alive.

I traveled back to the place where I grew up, visiting dear friends whom I have been missing like mad. Driving through the small towns, I felt as if I'd never left as I settled back into the mindset that was in place while I was there. There were only a few times I noticed that I had been absent, only when they started talking about recent events, all of which I had missed out on. This morning as I was coming back, I felt the change that has come over me from the changes my life has presented. I feel like a different person here than I do there and the switching over this weekend made it painfully apparent. Just as I miss being there when I'm here, when I was there I missed the feelings of being here. One feeling in particular. But we'll leave that to be speculated.

I have a theory that my bites/rash that is on my feet, legs, and torso are caused not by some pathogen invading my system but by unknown stress that is slowly making it's way out. Studies have shown how stress tears apart the body and I wonder if that's what this could be. There's so much on my mind all the time and there are few people that I can talk to that I feel like actually listen to what I'm saying. Few being probably one. And I don't want to subject her to this. Lord, when I think of the therapy I'll be in when I'm older to reverse all this damage I've already done, all this damage I will continue to do. Is it sick that I know I'm doing it while it's happening?

I sense a tinge of melancholy throughout this writing but really it's not there. Do you hear it? There is no melancholy in my bones, no sorrow in my tissues. I am content to nearly the most content I've ever been. And I am utterly exhausted from the events of the past six weeks.



Falling is very tiring and totally lovely.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

Musical tastes. Clothing. Hair. Values. Focus. The things that are most important. My motives. My mind. My mood.

it's all changing

just like the leaves outside.

Photo Op.

Upon the top of the world, I swear I've never seen anything more beautiful.
Brought back down to earth, my head was still spinning as I attempted to maneuver the vehicle in the direction of home.
"That was close" I couldn't help it. Pure luck that I didn't hit that car. But who honestly could blame me?
The grave yard and safe keeping, wildflowers, and speeding down wet gravel roads.

Let go, jump in, oh it's all amazing here.

Futuring.

I do not feel creative. I do not feel like painting those paintings that are beckoning me to be done, what with seventeen days till they need to be done. Nine in total to be finished in that time. I do not feel much of anything, except the overwhelming want, need, to be on my own, providing for myself, simply because my parental unit is losing ability to provide for me. I need a job. I need to buy everything myself. I need my modeling fiasco to be true, to be prosperous, and soon. I need funds to get myself out of this house and on my own. Supporting myself and my loved ones, that family that has stayed by my side when everyone else have left. I need to find out who is my mother, who is my father. And find out why they never wanted me.
I dont feel ambitious. I do not have goals. I do not have any idea what I'd like to do with my life. I have no plan. I feel like I am failing.
I do not have a plan because I refuse to allow myself to make a plan in fear that it will once again be completely crushed. I want to get out of the house when I'm eighteen. But I have school to finish. And so I will. I need to know where the modeling will take me, though there is no finding that out. No way of knowing what will happen with that. I need a plan, a back up plan. Schooling. Art.
I need to major in art and create a life for myself. A well paying job. A career.
Art. That's what I'll do. Move to a city. Live in an apartment. Open a gallery, something that showcases all the artists. My own little corner. Seattle, Portland, maybe somewhere on the east coast. Work as a model. Work as an artist. Have nice things, a nice car. A beautiful apartment. A beautiful girlfriend/finance/wife. Eventually children, maybe. Vacations over seas. I want to see the world. Maybe I'll eventually move somewhere else. England maybe.
I want my life to begin. I want high school to be over. I want my future to begin to be my present. I want my dreams to come true.
And most of all, right now at this moment, I want the rest of this year to pass beautifully, with this girl I've come to know, have come to cherish.