I sit, reading in my car, waiting for my sister to get out of school. The snow was raining down on the early November, making everything outside soggy and cold. These days, even simple scenes like this seem to content me and I haven't the faintest clue why. When she's taken too long to get to my car, I get out to go see where she could be. I am knocked over by the sudden rush of sound that greets me as I open my door. So much water falling from the sky, the variance of frozen and not, creating different pitches as it hits the ground. I can hear every car passing within blocks of where I stand. Dozens of children scream and play coming out of the school. Every sound joining together into one burst of an instant when my door opens. It's so beautiful and so frightening that it lingers in my consciousness through the weekend and the next week. All of that sound, rushing at me all at once, threatening to take me down and all I can think of is when on earth my phone will alert me of my newest message. The sound never does eat me and it's hours till my phone makes any sound.
These days, I wear exhaustion as my cosmetics, purples and blues under my eyes and white flakes of skin on my lips. Exhaustion and dehydration wearing down my body. And somehow it's everything I need. Those bags under my eyes, my cracked and bleeding lips, nails broken and my body aches. It all makes the only sense I have. It all makes getting up in the morning that much harder but it's still all I have. This aching in my chest, the creaking of my ribcage and every one of my bones, for that matter. Every day that passes it's all there, yet somehow, ironically, I am perhaps the most calm, most content, least stressed out that I have ever been. I cant have a care and any feeling is fleeting. The tree is up and the sun sinks down and I have nothing to look forward to in the immidiate future. And for once in my life, that is alright.
I checked out a book today on pure impulse, even though I have two that I'm already trying to finish. Mrs. Logrine mistook me for Kayla Green and wears entirely too much rouge. It was two minutes till I could go to art class and another 42 till I could go home, with my best friend, and waste an open hour.
