Just to let you know

before i let people care too much for
the way my breath catches when i sigh--

like something worth falling in love with.

(you are beautiful enough to cause a seizure
in any epileptic.)

and because i miss you, okay

you would have laughed.
and i like it when you smile.

in five years, i want to be on a plane
and i want the plane to crash into the
ocean and i want everyone to be okay
except me.

in five years i want out of this bed.
in five years i want to be crowned
queen of lowercase letters. in five
years i want you to say, "you are
the best thing that has happened
to me," and mean it. but wishes don't work like that.

it is one o' clock in the morning i have no
one here to tell me to keep both hands
on the wheel, to stop fiddling with the
radio, to not drive in lonely lanes of
oncoming traffic. i only have wet roads
and trees, because i'm pretty sure the
only way to feel alive is to practice dying
until you get it right.

it is my birthday, and all i really want
is a full-fledged zombie apocalypse.

it is my birthday and i want someone
to fucking hold me and tell me they
love me and and that i will be okay.
i want someone to rub my back and
kiss my neck and tell me that eighteen
has never looked so beautiful.

i try not to make mistakes, anymore, which
means these days i watch tv and think about
hurting myself without actually being able to

i used to cut myself in perfectly straight lines. i
made cookies just to eat the dough. pain still
makes me calm in ways that writing songs and
organized sports never could.

thought
about how good it feels
to know that i will always
be able to hurt myself more
than you can ever hurt me.

-wonderful words I've collected and didnt compose but she did. Give her a look, her writings are wonderous: Estallidos
------------------------------------------------

I used to know how to form words into the exact right sentences to make every single person feel better.
Now I only know what to say to ruin the moment.

-The sad truth, written with my hands.