I need to go to bed. Glad I stayed up for that one, though.

Have I ever mentioned that I love late night phone calls, especially ones that are made for no reason what so ever?

No?

I didn't think so. But now, internet, you know.

why does my face keep catching on fire?

this blood hasn't pooled beneath the skin of my cheeks in ages.

What is going on here?

So maybe I wasn't invincible. Maybe I could be touched. Maybe I didn't have my feelings under control. Maybe I'm not who I think I am. But I swear, for that moment when my face brushed the smooth skin of his shoulder, him standing shirtless with his arms around me trying to keep me warm, the universe suddenly shifted and this thing didn't seem so far out of reach. Like maybe I could be a different me and maybe that would be ok. (because in that moment, it felt right. It felt like something I could do. It felt like it'd never felt before)
But maybe I'm just idealizing it. Maybe. And that last part? I dont think it was my fault. If put in that situation, I would have done the same thing. But maybe, just maybe, things will play out. This is a hushed matter, though. Not something I'd like to share. Not something I am confident I understand well enough to share. It's like an out of body experience. I was a different person, in a different life. Everything was different but it didn't feel wrong, which is what I expected.

And no, sir, you did not smell bad. You smelled wonderful, in fact.

I graduate in fourteen-ish hours.

In that room containing close to two thousand people, I still don't expect to be able to breathe tomorrow.

Though it may be my own fault, it's getting worse, not better. It's gaining strength, not weakening.

I don't know what to do and I know there isn't much else I can do that I haven't done already.

The End is In Sight

Two days left. That's it. In the past week things have gotten much better and now, I don't know if I'm so ready. No, wait, I am. It was just nice what was happening and I don't want it to stop.

Dick in a Box

I need to GTFO.

This place is driving me crazy.

Lately

School, homework, I'm sick, being a senior is BUSY, I have about a billion projects and big assignments going on here, show choir?, and I have been flirting SHAMELESSLY with a boy. A young boy. Whom I find very, very attractive. Which may strike you as odd considering what's known on the streets about me. Let's just call this an identity crisis and be done with it. We'll see where I go.

In the meantime, I have two weeks of school left. Two weeks to finish 8 classes, 7 of which have HUGE projects/assignments due in them. Not forgetting the finals. I have graduation to prepare for and I havent drawn a thing for myself in AGES. I forget what sleep is.

Wish me luck. I'm really have a good time (that's a true statement).