Tonight, I'm breaking down. Everything's terrifying. The future, the present, the past. I'm feeling residual feelings while being aware of my feelings at the moment. I am overwhelmed.
I'm going to college in less than a month.
I am partaking in a terrifyingly intimate relationship.
I was so in love with her.
I was so in love with a different her.
One her is still in love with me.
I may not get the future that I crave.
I may not be good enough to get it.
It may be all my fault.
I am happy and I am sad and I am terrified. But everything, everything is ok.
3 comments:
What is terrifying about your relationship? Is it your fear of being hurt? Or perhaps it's that you don't want to be in it and you can't tell your partner how you feel for fear of hurting him/her? If this is the case I must assure you that you mustn't ever fear hurting someone's feelings in order to preserve your own sanity.
It's fear. Fear, fear, fear of getting hurt again. And of the changes that are coming. And how this perfect time I'm living in is going to change much too soon.
Maybe she's in love with you for a reason. Were you promised forever...just to have it taken away? Were you promised a future...that seems to have disappeared just to reappear when it's least expected?
Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.
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