Claaaaasssessss

I thought now would be the time to update; I have a paper to write and I could be starting on my algebra. Procrastination is what I do best.
On Mondays and Wednesdays I have:
Art History I- my professor is fantastic, animated, and beautiful. She also gets major points for spending her summers abroad and not wearing a bra on the first day of class. Oh, and her accent is very pleasing to listen to at 10 a.m.
Composition I- my teacher is a short, middle aged, pessimist who likes to swear a lot. He took us on a tour to kill time and told us that he only has one picture of him as a child. Though I'm not huge on writing papers, he's enthusiastic (though not in an irritatingly cheery way) and I enjoyed my first two hours.
Intermediate Algebra- I wish I had tried on my ACTs. This class is essentially Algebra II which I took my sophomore year in high school. This should be an easy A and we all know that I love easy A's. My teacher is as old, if not older, than my father and reminds me of what he'd be like if he had a Ph.D. in Mathematics. The class was boring because I knew the material, it was arctic, and I hadn't eaten in quite some time. I was ready to go home but it wasn't horrible.
On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have Elementary French I. I have never taken a foreign language course so it is daunting by my professor is a lively middle aged woman who dresses well and sings quite a bit. I was very sick this morning but I forgot about it in her classroom; it was a welcome relief.
I will be completely fine this semester (I hope). I love my professors and people really don't seem to notice me much. I just need to remember to wear warm clothing.

A Grown-Up

I've always felt as though I was already an adult. I've always been far too young and not nearly far enough into life to get what I wanted, to live how my mind functioned. In body I was a child, in mind, I was much older.
In recent years I've had a recurring feeling of wanting to be secure in my life, in a financially secure place, to be happy, to have a family. It doesn't happen often and it doesn't last long. That is, not until recently. In the past year, I've had an odd urge to settle down, though I could never do so as young as I am.
In spite of not having the means to do so, I crave it. How strange for me to crave such a thing... I've always put on the air that it is certainly not for me while in reality, it is something I'd like very much.
A wonderful old house, made of brick, inside decorated with brights colors in a multitude of patterns and textures. Big soft beds and a full fridge in a kitchen that I actually use. Living with someone I love, creating artworks that people actually want to buy by day and love by night. Never a marriage, it's not something I believe in, but a ceremony of love in the backyard full of bright flowers and rich green grass. Then, after a few years of life and love, a little family. A beautiful little child with wispy blonde hair, huge, curious eyes, and flushed cheeks.
Though it sounds like a fairy tale, I believe it can happen. Nothing is perfect all of the time, but most of the time is enough for me.

I'm feeling better today

Yesterday I got most all of the unpacking done, ate at semi-regular times, showered, got my dishwasher fixed, and went to WalMart. Later in the evening, Aly stopped by to see the apartment and get my out of my little hole for a bit. I came home and talked to Shawn on Facebook for far too long but went to bed content. Today has went well so far, no sadness or hopelessness today. And being alone isn't bothering me too much. I'd still like to have Shawn around. But I know it's going to be ok.

The Move

I hate it here. I am so lonely. That first night was perfect, it felt like that was how it was supposed to be but when he left the next morning, everything just fell apart.
Last night, I couldn't bring myself to sleep in an empty bed so I parked myself on the couch with the television on so it wouldn't be so quiet. Someone told me to sleep and I would feel better in the morning. Today, I just feel worse.
My shower doesn't drain, the showerhead sucks, my ice maker doesn't work, and the dishwasher doesn't drain. The people upstairs seem to Riverdance from 8-11 p.m. and enjoy hanging things on the walls at ten. My walls are completely white and I don't have the money to put anything on them. School starts on Monday which means I will have to meet people and actually go places. Perhaps that will make this situation better.
I wish I knew someone close enough to keep me company. I wish he wasn't going to school two hours away. I wish we were closer. I wish I had more money. I wish I knew how my mom figures she's going to pay for all of these things she wants to pay for. I'm so worried about everything.

I truly hate it here right now.

The Beginning

I move on Monday. I move into an apartment, away from my family, for the first time in my life. It's a day I've been waiting for for years but I'm really scared because it's something I've never done before.
I've been busy packing and cleaning and shopping and setting up my school situation and seeing everyone once more before I go so my blog has suffered. My blog has suffered all summer due to a large increase in having things to do. I love that I've been social for the first summer of my life.
I'm scared of what comes next even more than I typically would have been because of the near perfect state my life is right now. I don't want this to end.

Maybe this isn't the end. Maybe this is only the beginning.