I hate it here. I am so lonely. That first night was perfect, it felt like that was how it was supposed to be but when he left the next morning, everything just fell apart.
Last night, I couldn't bring myself to sleep in an empty bed so I parked myself on the couch with the television on so it wouldn't be so quiet. Someone told me to sleep and I would feel better in the morning. Today, I just feel worse.
My shower doesn't drain, the showerhead sucks, my ice maker doesn't work, and the dishwasher doesn't drain. The people upstairs seem to Riverdance from 8-11 p.m. and enjoy hanging things on the walls at ten. My walls are completely white and I don't have the money to put anything on them. School starts on Monday which means I will have to meet people and actually go places. Perhaps that will make this situation better.
I wish I knew someone close enough to keep me company. I wish he wasn't going to school two hours away. I wish we were closer. I wish I had more money. I wish I knew how my mom figures she's going to pay for all of these things she wants to pay for. I'm so worried about everything.
I truly hate it here right now.
1 comment:
I hate to see you like this, and I'm sorry there's nothing I can do for you. Just know that many, many people before you have had the same dilemma and come out just fine. You will adjust. Your mind was made to adapt to different situations efficiently. We will see each other. We will talk to each other. You'd be surprised how resilient and adaptive your mind is. Money is an issue, but you will be able to find a job, and you have the White Rabbit thing going for you. I think your mom probably had money saved up. If you need money, I've got plenty and I will probably have a job soon. It wouldn't be a problem at all to give you some. Material possessions, remember? Make a few paintings. Do what you do best. You've got paint, canvas, and time. Make your walls pretty. Get the nice people from the Lodge to come and fix your shit. They will. As always, I love you very much. I didn't mean to lecture if that's what I did, I'm just trying to say that everything will be okay. Give it some time. I'm always here, give me a call or a text or an e-mail, or Facebook me, or drive down and see me anytime. I love hearing from you. You know that though. You are incredible and I hope that things start looking better for you tomorrow. I'll talk to you later. By the way, I think I'm going to start a blog. I'll give you the URL when I do. I love you. A thousand times I love you.
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